assalamualaikum va rahmatullah va barakat.
(this post is not about suicide)
how would you respond to this?: "i have already become Muslim. i believe in the 6 pillar of faith and i uphold the 5 pillars of islam. so i have accomplished my purpose on the earth. why doesn't allah (Subhash va taala) take my life if i have no other reason to be alive?"
is the next test the test of how long you can keep up being alive and a Muslim? it's like completing a video game and there's nothing else to do. you'll eventually get tired of it and stop playing. but since"stopping to play" is a huge sin you have to keep playing.
i just can't see anything else to do. family is temporary. love is temporary. money is temporary. status is temporary. being respected is temporary. i have no desire of these things. what am i suppose to get motivated by? i can't lie and say i wouldn't enjoy having them but im saying what's the point of enjoying something temporary in the first place? these things don't motivate me. i want to do things because it makes Allah happy not because it makes me happy. for example i don't pray because it helps me and calms me and makes me happy (even though it does), i do it to have Allah satisfied with me and to fulfill my duty and ultimately reach salvation (ie jannah).
i have heard that Allah wants us happy too. for example the hadith that says "a strong Muslim is better than a weak Muslim" and how being intimate with your spouse is a form of worship. my problem is that i don't feel comfortable with me being happy. i have changed as a person after my conversion to islam and i hate and despise who i used to be. and who i used to be was a naive kid chasing after the next dopamine hit. this makes me hate being happy. everytime im happy i bite my tongue and remind myself that it was chasing happiness that made me headless of my purpose and made the worthless worldly things be important to me. i never "get lost in the moment" as if im never going to die. how am i suppose to please Allah by being happy when chasing worldy happiness was why i was bad?
please if you can shine light on this, help me. am i too extreme in this? where am i misunderstanding things? am i missing a view point? also please include hadith or Quran if you know.
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