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Being careful when taking advice

I’ve noticed that many posts in this sub seek advice, rulings, and guidance on various Islamic matters. While there may be Shaykhs, Alims, a...

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I’ve noticed that many posts in this sub seek advice, rulings, and guidance on various Islamic matters. While there may be Shaykhs, Alims, and knowledgeable individuals here who can offer valuable insight, I would still urge everyone to exercise caution and use their judgment when accepting religious advice from strangers on social media.

As you may already be aware, not everyone who offers advice has good intentions or the necessary knowledge to do so. There may be non-Muslims, individuals who deliberately seek to mislead others or create fitna, and even those who genuinely believe they know the correct information or ruling but are, in fact, mistaken.

For this reason, please be cautious, verify what you read, and do your own research before accepting or acting upon any religious advice. When it comes to matters of Islam, it is especially important to seek knowledge from reliable and authentic sources and, where necessary, consult qualified scholars who are grounded in sound Islamic knowledge.

Unfortunately, there are many websites that present misleading information about Islam. Some may even appear legitimate and credible at first glance while mixing falsehood with authentic Islamic teachings, making it difficult to distinguish between the two.

Please be mindful of where you seek knowledge and whom you trust. Not everything presented in the name of Islam is necessarily correct, and not everyone who speaks with confidence is speaking with knowledge. Our Deen is too important for us to accept information without verifying its authenticity.

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I recently found out that my cousin is secretly dating and is engaging in zina with a non-Muslim man. Another cousin, who is close to her finally told me after attempts to advise her didn’t work out.

From what I’ve been told, the man is considerably older than her, lied about his age, has no stable income, has multiple children and is partially financially supported by my cousin. She also suspects he may be cheating on her. As Muslims, the religious incompatibility is already a serious concern, even aside from these other red flags.

What makes this more urgent is that she apparently plans to move out of her parent’s home, cut off the family and live with him in secret. She earns more than her parents combined, but has never contributed to rent. I suspect she’s taking advantage of her parents by saving as much money as she can to live her haram lifestyle. Her mother has approached her with marriage proposals several times, but she refuses to consider them. She has also taken her younger sister to meet this man which is infuriating. As for her religiosity, she wears a hijab, but doesn’t actively practice Islam. How could you possibly have a connection with Allah while actively engaging in sin with no desire to stop?

A couple of years ago, she claimed to have a stalker who repeatedly harassed her. Now I’m being told that this “stalker” had contacted her parents after catching her with her boyfriend. To keep her secret, she painted that man as a stalker, destroyed his credibility then denied the his claim and her parents believed her.

Other cousins and her friends have advised her against this relationship, but she has continued regardless. I’ve spoken to my youngest aunt, whom we’re close to and plan to speak with my cousin alongside her. I don’t want my cousin to ruin her life, destroy her relationship with her parents/family, corrupt the youth and violate the boundaries of our religion.

I’m genuinely so angry, I don’t know what’s going through her head. She wears a hijab and walks around in public with this guy. That’s completely unacceptable. This is a delicate situation and I want a positive outcome, but I only see two outcomes. She either breaks up with him and repents to Allah or she has to leave and stay distant from our family. We’re not going to completely cut her off, but we won’t tolerate this and allow her to corrupt our family either. I’m I wrong for this?

How should I approach this? Do I tell her parents right now? What if she doesn’t want to leave this man? What specific boundaries and expectations do I set?

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My first and most likely last time here forgive me for not knowing how to navigate this. Been contemplating on asking about this on here but I feel really disconnected from islam and I just need to get it off my chest. I grew up muslim in a muslim country & family and all that but I never really felt like one. I loved how beautiful Islam is and it's teachings but I could never feel myself connect to it like other people and many times in my life I feel like islam was used against me. I had my most beloved pious and religious family members pass away suffering so immensely and it truly broke me. I still recite Al-Fatihah before going to bed but I can't pray or read the quran or even think of Allah SWT without feeling like I'm lying to myself and to god. I've been depressed almost all my life and the only advice I've been getting is turn to your prayers but I genuinely can't. I see the people of palestine going through the worst of the worst right now and suffering and yet they still haven't lost faith in Allah SWT so what is my excuse? I get online and I see so called "dawah bros" who spew absolute filth about my religion and get away with it and it just pushes me away even further. I'm really scared that it will be too late for me by the time I get a chance to repent and turn to god again. Is that a bad thing to say?

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Salam brothers and sisters,

First of I wanna say sorry for the long text but as this is a foundational part of the deen that I feel is unfortunately not well known by many Muslims I've spoken to and often not explained well or at all to new reverts I felt obligated to explain it as best I can while also needing clarification for a specific aspect of it.

I am unclear about a specific aspect of the rights of people (Huquq-ul-Ibad) and the nature of forgiving sins and repentance. According to the Quran if someone truly repents for their sins Allah will forgive any sin and specifically when somebody converts to Islam it is said that all the sins of their life before are wiped clean.

However this only applies to the rights of Allah (Huquq-Allah) and all sins you have committed against Allah if I understand it correctly. If you have harmed others at any point before repentance or before becoming Muslim, regardless of whether they are Muslim or even Human, Allah will forgive you for those parts of that sin that went against Allah's command not to harm others, but the rights of the harmed stay in tact regardless. The only way to be forgiven for those sins is by either seeking forgiveness directly from that person or animal in this life (like if you owe them money you have to pay it back or if you harmed them in another way you can agree on a just recompence with them directly).

Now from the explanations and rulings I have found online, if it is too difficult or dangerous to seek forgiveness from the person in this life (such as when you know they might get angry just by seeing you), you should instead pray for forgiveness for the person you have harmed and do good deeds specifically as repentance for the harm you caused. Same if the person has already died in which case you are also encouraged to specifically help out their remaining kin where possible, whether financially or otherwise. If the person forgives you in private or tells you they have forgiven you directly in this dunya and Allah has also forgiven you for this sin already, then you will not be held to account for this deed on Yawm Al Qiyamah. However if they do not forgive you for it in this dunya you will have to ask forgiveness from that person in the next life.

The Quran mentions:

"The recompense for an injury is an injury proportionate to it, but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, he shall be rewarded by Allah..." (Surah Ash-Shura 42:40)

And Prophet Mohammad Peace be upon him said:

“Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Judgment when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him.” Bukhari, Mazalim, 10.

“He who repents of his sin is regarded as if he has never sinned.” at-Targhib wat-Tarhib, IV/97.

From the explanations I've seen online the interpretation is that if we are not forgiven in this dunya we must seek forgiveness from the person we have harmed on the day of judgment and Allah will ask the person to forgive us and even if they were firm in not wanting to forgive this deed in this dunya, on judgment day they will be even more encouraged to forgive the person who harmed them as every soul will want to increase their good deeds and they will be rewarded for forgiving any injustice by receiving good deeds from the person who harmed them if im not mistaken. However ultimately Allah still leaves the final decision on whether or not the harmful act is forgiven to the harmed party.

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What is unclear to me is what happens if the act was so harmful to the person that they do not forgive it at all?

Did I misunderstand that when a person forgives a sin against them that good deeds will be TAKEN from the one who has committed it and they only receive a reward without the sinner losing anything and does the sinner only lose good deeds if he was not forgiven?

Will a sin or certain severe sins that are not forgiven by a person be explicitly punished (eg. be punished in the Hellfire for a certain period) proportionate to the harm caused or will this only happen if a person has run out of good deeds to recompense for the sin?

How should we seek forgiveness for Animals or other creations of Allah that we have harmed and are there specific guidelines in accordance with the degree of harm caused to the animals that will guarantee forgiveness if we do them in this dunya or could an animal also refuse to forgive a harmful act?

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The specific example that led me to think about this topic deeply and made me believe it is an important topic that is glossed over too often and that it is really important we adress it more was a video of a revert brother who spoke of his past life before Islam and the sinful life he lead before accepting Islam. The worst of those sins was that during a robbery gone wrong he shot and killed someone and as a result spent many years in jail during which time he felt a lot of shame, regret and guilt for this act which lead him to repent and eventually find Islam. He explicitly mentions how there were many times where he did not think he could ever be forgiven for his sin and then expresses joy at the fact that now that he has accepted Islam he has been forgiven and can start a new life according to the deen. Now I have no doubt that a person who truly repents for a sin in front of Allah will naturally also seek forgiveness from whomever they harmed in their hearts, but it seemed to me that this person was genuinely unaware that even though all their sins against Allah were forgiven, he was still not fully forgiven for that sin and has an obligation to perform certain good deeds to seek forgiveness from the person they have killed, and try to either seek forgiveness from the family members of that person that suffered as a result directly in this dunya, or if this is likely to cause more harm and distress to them, try to do something for their benefit, either through a charitable act (potentially even anonymously) or by performing good deeds for them. At the very least I think it must be clear to him that the bare minimum he is obligated to do is to pray for anyone he harmed and anyone else that was indirectly harmed by that act to be forgiven for their sins by Allah if I understood correctly.

I generally noticed this a lot whenever I see Muslims celebrate a revert who has just accepted Islam that they are given the glad tidings that all their previous sins have been forgiven and their slate is wiped clean and I feel they are almost never informed of the Huquq-ul-ibad that remains regardless and that this is something important they need to consider as well. I understand that in those moments it may sometimes not be mentioned immediately so that perhaps the new revert can have a moment of respite for their soul and be hopeful to enter Jannah even if their past deeds have weighed heavily on them but I feel as Muslims it is our duty to inform them that there are sins that do not qualify as being immediately forgiven or wiped and for which further actions in this dunya are required, especially if the harm was severe.

I think by glossing over this when telling reverts they have been forgiven for all their past sins we are causing great harm to the sinner, as they may be unaware that they still have sins they need to seek forgiveness for, not from Allah but from whomever they've harmed, and unlike other duties of Islam that are usually forgiven if a person genuinely didnt know they were obligated to do them while still seeking more knowledge (especially for reverts), this is something where their lack of knowledge will be of no benefit to them on Yawm al Qiyamah when they stand before the person they have harmed. It also causes harm to the one who was sinned against as it deprives them of the opportunity to forgive the sin in this dunya which will give them a greater reward than if they only forgive it in the next dunya. And it also harms the one who has the knowledge of this and doesnt inform the person who is new to the deen or any Muslim that may not know this as keeping that information essentially prevents the two (or more) other parties from collecting more good deeds, which in turn also result in good deeds for the one who informs the one who doesnt know.

Lastly I also think it is a very important aspect of the Deen itself as the Huquq-ul-ibad perfectly exemplifies the fundamental importance of forgiving others and of seeking forgiveness that is vital for any Muslim and I also think not explicitly mentioning it can even be a somewhat dangerous misrepresentation of Islam, particularly to non-muslims, especially to those individuals who have been harmed by someone who later accepted Islam. If a non-muslim hears that anyone who accepts Islam is forgiven for all their sins by Allah, they will not learn of Islam and Allahs true justice as it does not seem just to most people that the final say in forgiving harm that was done to a person should rest with anyone other than the person who was harmed. Especially if you yourself were the one harmed by that person and you have not forgiven them for that harm yet. And Allah is the most just, which is why Allah has decreed that the ultimate decision on forgiveness for sins against Allahs creation will rest in the hand of whatever soul was harmed.

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Has anyone else felt similarly when hearing the phrase "When you convert to Islam all your previous sins are forgiven and your whole slate is wiped clean" and also noticed that Huquq-ul-ibad is not as clear of a concept to some muslims/reverts as it should be or do you guys think I might be overanalysing some aspects of it here or that it is in fact crystal clear to the majority of muslims in your experience?

Anyways, I once again apologise for the extremely long text to what are ultimately relatively simple questions. I understand no one probably wants to read all that lol but I have severe ADHD so I tend to overexplain everything so usually every paragraph I write ends up way bigger than it needs to be especially when it comes to things I think are important, but inshallah there is also some things of value in them for some.

Jazzakallah Kheir!

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I learned Arabic, then stopped for about a year. Fusha only, mostly for Quran and religious classes.

My comprehension survived pretty well, but speaking didn't. I understand way more than I can say, and I freeze when I have to talk without preparing. I also still translate from French in my head, which slows everything down.

So I'm curious what worked for people here who came back after a gap. Anything that got you producing Arabic again and not just recognizing it?

I see Anki and Arabic Khasu on YouTube recommended all the time, and honestly they seem like solid picks for vocab and structure. I also know an app called Takalam, which I think is really useful for actually understanding Arabic. It has structured lessons and stories where you can apply what you’ve learned, so you get a lot of reading and listening practice. It’s more focused on comprehension than speaking though, so it probably wouldn’t solve the freezing part by itself.

What would you try first?

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Salaam brothers and sisters. Does anyone have any recommendations for legitimate Islamic prayer apps that do not track or sell our data?

I recall hearing about a scandal last year about a popular app that ended up selling user data to the US government, which is insane! After reading about that, I deleted all my apps and went old school.

I’m just looking for something simple and basic: accurate prayer time announcements for my local area and maybe a Qibla checker for when I’m traveling. Nothing fancy.

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