As Salamu Aleykum friends,
I was raised as a liberal Muslim in a Western country: Not praying, eating non-halal meat, my parents didn't go to Mecca and will not go in the future. I was told that there is a God, but the most important thing was to be a good human-being in the first place.
To not make this section too long: I got more invested into Islam and am now praying, eating halal meat, planning to go to Mecca in a few years inshAllah and so on.
Restriction like halal meat, Riba, going to the Mosque sure changed my life and were not easy to implement, still I didn't feel like these restrictions made me unhappy or tired. I just integrated them into my life.
But there is one restriction that leaves me disoriented, confused and lost: I just don't know how to handle it. I have been going to university for like 5 years, and since I became more religious about 3 years ago, I stopped contacting girls over the time: From not "making moves" anymore to not having female friends anymore (the latter part wasn't actually hard).
I'm torn between wanting to meet women again and fearing the consequences. How can I actually love a woman, if I'm cannot meet with her? I want to get to know a woman, talk about what she likes, what I like, how we can move on to a future where we are married etc. I want it to happen naturally, where it's just love. My dear brothers and sisters, I just want to love... I have never loved a woman in my life (for other reasons than Islam in my pre-religious time). I want to know how butterflies in the stomach feel like, I want to experience what it's like to be in a relationship with a woman - but I feel so alone, not heard, not seen, just by myself.
What is the alternative? Asking other people to find me someone, talk to her only when others are present, then marrying her not even knowing if I love her, or if she loves me? How is that different than living with a random? How does that even work, my parents didn't teach me anything like that?
I'm sorry for my writing style, it is not in a respecful way - to You or to our faith. These thought are just constantly rattling through mind leaving me in a confused and sometimes enraged state. I don't know what to do or what to think. Please find some calming words for me. Thank you.
![[link]](https://i.redd.it/32t9tm7fv7ug1.jpeg){kind=link}