Salaam everyone. I’m a Muslim man who recently ended a relationship and I’m looking for honest feedback, not validation.
We were together for about a year and a half. We’re both living in the West (Canada), and when we met we were both practicing. I developed genuine love for her and had serious intentions for marriage. I now know the first step should’ve been to approach things a halal way, but I didn’t, and here we are.
Around a year in, she opened up about struggling with her faith and with hijab. As soon as that came up, I put the relationship on hold for two reasons:
To allow space for clear, sincere thinking without emotional pressure
Because our attachment was strong, and I felt that if things didn’t work out, some distance would make the situation easier for both of us
During that time, we had a long and serious conversation about Islam and hijab where I tried to address her doubts using scholarly evidence. I also strongly encouraged her to speak to a qualified scholar (and even offered to help arrange that), because I didn’t want to be her only source.
The pause lasted a couple of months. I made a lot of duaa during that time.
After that period, she told me she doesn’t see a future where she can commit to hijab consistently. At that point, we both agreed it was better to end things. We felt continuing toward marriage with that level of uncertainty could lead to bigger issues later, including potential harm to the marriage and future children.
Just to clarify, for me hijab is something I need in a spouse based on religious conviction, not preference, and that was something I had made clear early on. She wasn’t able to say she was there, and I respect her honesty.
We both loved each other deeply, and this was the only major compatibility issue between us, but I realize it’s a fundamental one.
My questions:
Aside from the fact that the relationship itself was haram, what did I do wrong? Was putting things on hold when doubts came up the right move, or could it have pushed her further away?
She lost someone she loved deeply over faith/hijab. I worry that could push her further away from Islam rather than toward it. Is that a valid concern, and is there anything I should have done differently?
Advice on pursuing marriage the right way going forward?
Is it appropriate to make duaa that she finds her way back to Allah, and if so, that we find our way back to each other?
Any advice on coping with and processing this situation?
JazakAllahu khayran.
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