Salam.. hope yall are doing well..
I finally prayed maghrib and isha today after 2-3months.I know its bare minimum. I had been dealing with self harm, purging and hypersexual stuff. My cuttings became deeper..and more consistent and had to promis on the Quran that i had not harmed myself for my mom which was a lie..i felt awful about doing it and she was throwing tantrums thinking i had cut myself which i did.
Missed 7-8 jumuah prayers. It has been a lot lately. I cried today after finally being able to pray in a long time. I need to keep this streak please.. i dont want to fall back into this cycle where i lose it all again. During this time..i had confusion on my belief and i pray to Allah he forgives me for that. In those 2-3 months i was able fulfill some jumuah prayers..but then those went down the drain too.. that really made me feel guilty.
This had happened half a year back too where i was doing particularly well in faith and suddenly had a drop...i dont want this to happen again...ya rabb..I dont want to go back..pleasee..
Idk if all of this is ignorance or done purposefully..ikno the stuff ive done are sins. Can someone please guide me on not to fall back again. Is this all just because of lack of taqwa and iman..
ps: sorry if my words dont explain much its pretty much a vent
الله يحفظكم و يجزيكم خير الجزاء
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