Assalam Alaykum everyone, I want to start off by saying I know that marriage is qadr, and shouldn't be worried about - but with everything in dunya - you do your best and Allah takes care of the rest, meaning you perform the asbab (reasons) and then reliance in that the outcome is completely within the hands of Allah (swt) e.g. salat istikharah .
Unfortunately, the ibtilah on my family is that my eldest brother is drug affected and has been since he was 13 (he's now 20), as well as my younger brother (now 13) - in the care of child services. Also, both have inherited mental disorders from my father (schizoaffective disorder). Their psychosis condition has been triggered by their chronic drug use, and let's just say they have done a lot of criminal acts. *Note: my father does not take drugs (illicit), and has just gone overseas escaping from responsibility. To be honest, I don't know if I should be posting this - would it be gheebah (backbiting)? I'm omitting a lot of details about their sins, and I'm writing descriptions for the purpose of genuine advice - as I am a 19-year-old girl - can't just go to the sheikh myself, also the nature of my concern is tbh humiliating.
The masayib (crises) they have caused our family is beyond comprehension - incarcerating my father - when my father was trying to help them, and the numerous assaults they've done on our family - like real danger situations think pulling up a knife on your mum/dad/sister because you didn't give them $20, and this is not even close to the worst they've done. My father has even booked a flight to home country, escaping and leaving us (he still calls - but still effectively abandoning us). I'm arab, so I can't go into too much detail - because of cultural reasons - worst thing - my brother would be beating me up, hurting me and my mum would tell me not to report him to police because he's my brother - no joke, and now that my father's gone, they have been more of a threat, because my mum is enabling ( citing how he's homeless, mental etc.)
I'm insecure about marriage and I want to get married asap, but I know that no traditional arab man will accept me once he knows about my brothers - also frustrating cultural thing. With our family problems, my mother has effectively isolated herself from everyone, so no actual prospects of getting introduced. My mum says that's ok, because my qadr is already written and that I could be in the house 24/7 and I could get someone asking for my hand. Amanah bilah (God Almighty works in mysterious and miraculous ways) - but again, you seek marriage not sit at home expecting someone to know you exist... I don't know - please someone let me know if I'm falling into sin - thinking this way. I 100% have tawwakul, but realistically speaking -AstaghfirulAllah, idk if this is the right word - my mum needs to help me out here.
Also, I fear I might lower my expectations of a husband ( education being an engineer, scientist, very respectful, strong morals/values) because of brothers- I'm studying medical science, it's reasonable of me to want someone who I'd share the same understanding, hobbies, cognition etc. I fear that my 'standards' wouldn't want me because of my family, that's why I'm insecure.
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