assalamu alaikum and eid mubarak. i hope everyone has a good time on eid.
i feel like i wasted my ramadan. ive recently realised that ive been depressed for a few months now. i get so much sadder and lose motivation when i think about how ive done nothing this month. i wish it wasnt eid tomorrow, i want more time.
i fasted all days but ive barely prayed salah daily. i went to taraweeh maybe like 5 times, other days i just stayed in bed having no motivation to do anything. i just feel so hopeless.
this entire month ive read maybe 30 pages of quran. i havent prayed tahajjud even once. couldnt go to the masjid to pray qiyam. i hate this i hate myself.
fasting felt almost natural and i didnt have to put any effort. because of my depression i neglected my appetite and its very easy for me to go long periods without eating.
im strongly convinced ill never commit suicide because of my faith. but just the other day it finally hit me how islam is the only thing stopping me from doing anything, otherwise i could just go ahead and do it. nobody would care.
i feel so hopeless. i feel like i dont deserve eid. after how i wasted my ramadan doing nothing. im scared ill feel empty and sad on eid.
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