Hi there! I'm sorry this is long.
I'm moving in a couple of weeks to my fiancé's Muslim country from the United States. I'm non-religious (I used to be extremely Christian but fell out of faith about 6 years ago and have been mostly atheist/indifferent ever since). He is a devout Muslim, is diligent about his prayers and reading the Quran, and lives by his Muslim values. His strong moral character and adherence to his faith are two of the things I love and respect about him -- but I'm not Muslim.
In fact, before we started dating, I knew embarrassingly little about Islam. I know that there's a prophet Mohammed, but sadly most of my knowledge of Islam is based on Western news and propaganda that shows Islam as being a violent, anti-women religion. Through the life and example of my very sweet and gentle fiancé, I have learned that this is not the case, and my respect and understanding of Islam have increased significantly over the last year.
My fiancé and his family would like me to explore and convert to Islam. I understand and respect their desire and I spent most of my life religious and if you truly believe there is a path to God, why would you not desperately try to bring the ones you love to it? My fiancé has expressed repeatedly that he will respect if I don't convert, but that it will always be a point of contention with his family if I don't, and that he wants to raise our children Muslim regardless.
I have the following questions. I've tried to ask him these questions but I feel like he struggles to provide impartial answers, or just doesn't have the specific answers I'm looking for. Please don't feel compelled to answer them all as I know I'm asking a lot, but any insight would be so appreciated.
- My partner has indicated that Muslim men can marry non-Muslim women and it's part of the Quran to not pressure your spouse to convert but to set an example so that they will want to convert. Is that true? We started dating when he knew I was an atheist but I fear down the line if I don't convert, he will resent me for it. He says he won't, but I fear he might grow to regret not marrying someone in his religion. He also mentioned to me that Muslim women can't marry non-Muslim men, which doesn't make sense to me and he wasn't able to articulate why either.
- Is there such a thing as "cultural" conversion? I'm not opposed to learning about Islam and I will convert to appease his family, but I'm not incredibly interested in pursuing religion right now but also don't want to disrespect the faith by being "half-assed".
- How are women actually regarded in Islam? Are women treated as equals? I have concerns about An-Nisa 34 that I'm continuing to do my own research on, but how are women practically regarded in Islam? Are their wishes and opinions given equal weight to those of a man?
- I'm already a conservative dresser, I don't drink or smoke or do drugs so adhering to the cultural expectations of a Muslim country doesn't seem like much of a change from my life in the US, but I am worried about losing my identity. I'm a liberal, opinionated social advocate and feminist. Are those things out of alignment with Muslim values?
- What are your thoughts on Muslims marrying non-Muslims? What about marrying Westerners? Do you think it can work, or is it a bad idea? Sadly there are few Muslims that I'm aware of in my city and the local Mosque is closed for COVID or I would seek these answers directly.
Thank you again for your time.
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