Assalamu alaykum
I made a mistake years ago that I’m too scared to own up to and bear the consequences because they’re so great that they’d ruin my life, and I am not in a place to handle that. At all. I can’t afford therapy, and my insurance doesn’t cover anyone. Not even KhalilCenter. I tried.
I turned to Allah, repented, and prayed istikhara as to what to do, but nothing came of it. I asked Him to show me a way out of this mess but to no avail. It’s not His fault I’m in it, but I feel utterly abandoned. I’m asking for help, any help from Him.
I’m starting to drift away from the deen. I still pray and avoid major haram, but it’s harder to do so. I’m starting to dislike worship, to dislike salah and avoidance. I want to rest. I want Allah to help me.
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