Every time I get closer to Islam, i don’t know if I’m being tested but my life gets 10x worse and does not make me want to continue. This testing idea makes no sense to me.
Allah knows best so why is he testing me knowing I will believe less in him? I’m really to the point that I may no longer believe in God. It’s not even in a way that I’m trying to go against God or anything it’s more that my life is in such a bad position right now that I don’t see the point of believing in a God like why is it that all these people that are not believers are so successful with beautiful families while me a young guy that tries his best, does good deeds end up in a sh**y position in life. Why do kids grow up in extreme toxic lifestyles and others in rich loving lifestyles. I get the whole idea of jannah and everything and that this life is a test and temporary but..
I hate living my life right now, I hate thinking of God.. it stresses me because I got more important things to worry about. I prayed for help, I prayed for so much but nothing was answered not one thing. I don’t feel the presence of God and I am really thinking he might not be real and it’s just a coping mechanism for people that can’t accept deat and nothingness.
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