Culture is interfering with my religion

Salam,

It is basically what the title says. I have been practicing Islam for a couple of years now, I am born Muslim but where I’m from culture is much more valued than religion, which is also what my family believes. I’ve been wanting to put on the hijab for a while now and while it isn’t such a ‘big’ problem for them, they still have a hard time respecting my decision and being supportive.

I’ve had countless conversations with my father about this, and while he hasn’t ever told me that I’m not allowed to, he really makes me question if it’s even worth it, may Allah forgive me. He says stuff like I can’t work, ill only accomplish being a wife and mother and never anything else, I’ll make life harder for myself, I’m not Arab etc. you get the point. Still, I’m steadfast in my decision and I’ve never changed my mind about it, I know I’m going to do it.

While all of this has been in discussion, I’ve met someone I see a lot of potential in. Everything is very respectful, we never go out and all of our conversations have found place in public while surrounded by others, as I’ve met him at school. I’ve known him a couple of years and I know him really well, and recently we’ve begun talking about marriage. We’re grown adults, so obviously we are talking about making it serious. I really wish to make this halal and keep it halal. He’s a very honored and respectful man, on his deen and honestly everything I’ve been looking for.

Here are the problems I’m facing:

1. He’s from a different culture, which is a big problem for my family. I know they won’t tell me no, since some girls from my family have been through the same, but it definitely won’t be easy. I’m afraid that it’ll take years, since they won’t let me marry him without getting to know him. I can’t have a relationship with this man for multiple years until they get to know him and bring him home, basically ‘modern dating’.

2. If I put on the hijab now, it’ll only make everything 10x harder, maybe they’ll even say no to this man. They’ll say that I put it on for him, that he’s making me do it. He knows about this, and tells me that I need to do what feels right and that we’ll take it one day at a time. I can’t find any peace in this, it’s stressing me out.

So, do I wait until I’m married? Is that wrong? I’m really at a crossroad about this, because he has definitely had some positive impact on me, but for some reason I feel like I’m choosing him over Allah, but then again I know that isn’t true. If this wasn’t the situation I’d put it on in a heartbeat without looking back, but my family puts such a pressure on me and I really want this to work out with him, with minimal drama. Any help is appreciated.

JazakAllah Khair.

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