I'm a 20-year-old Muslim living in a Western, non-Muslim country. Growing up, I’ve always distanced myself from women my age — partly because of my religious values and partly to stay focused on my personal and financial goals.
There were a few occasions (maybe four times) where women showed personal interest in me, but I always kept my distance and made it clear I wasn’t interested. To be honest, I wasn’t physically attracted to them, so it didn’t feel like I missed anything.
Yesterday, though, I worked a one-day job with a new group. There was a beautiful woman there — blonde, Russian-Finnish mix — who was completely my type physically. She started showing interest, even though I initially kept things short and work-related. But she kept initiating conversation, and I eventually saw it as a chance to practice my social skills with women — and maybe also to prove to myself that I can attract women I find attractive.
We mainly talked about work and a bit about our personal lives. Toward the end, I complimented her looks and she returned the compliment. That was it — all respectful, and we were always in a public space.
The reason I'm writing this is because, even a day later, I’m still thinking about her more than I expected. On one hand, it’s motivating — it reminds me why I need to stay focused on my financial and life goals. But on the other hand, I feel a bit distracted and emotionally unsettled. It’s not exactly a bad feeling, just unfamiliar.
Part of me wants to get to know her better. But I also know it would be difficult to pursue anything serious in a way that aligns with my Islamic values — especially since that would require things to move toward marriage early. I also feel conflicted because I know, logically, that a practicing Muslim woman would probably be a better long-term match for me. But I rarely find myself physically attracted to Muslim women, which adds to the confusion.
To clarify: it's not that Muslim women themselves aren't attractive — it's more about the familiar look and cultural background of the countries many Muslim women come from. Since I live in a Western, non-Muslim country and come from a Muslim family, I subconsciously associate those appearances and cultural traits with my own relatives and upbringing. It feels more like “family” than “potential partner,” even though I know that's not a fair or logical conclusion. On the other hand, women from different cultural backgrounds don’t trigger that same familiarity, so I naturally view them more as romantic possibilities. I realize this mindset isn’t ideal, and I’m trying to understand it better.
I won’t stay in contact with the woman I met. Even though part of me is tempted to keep talking to practice my social skills, I know that could be misleading or even hurtful for both if we developed feelings. That’s not something I want to cause — even unintentionally.
One last thought: I’ve read that Russia and Finland has one of the highest divorce rates and while many Russian women are considered traditional (which I appreciate), they’re also not necessarily submissive to their husbands — which makes things more complex when thinking about long-term compatibility. It’s something I’m still trying to figure out.
I’m sharing all this to get it off my chest, and maybe hear from others who’ve been in similar situations. How do you deal with the conflict between attraction, values, and long-term goals?
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