Growing up Arab I’ve always seen that in Arab culture, women usually receive around $20–30k, sometimes even more, in gold. I love gold, but personally I think $10k in gold like a simple necklace and bracelet is enough for me.
The other day, I asked my family what they’d think if a guy offered less than $20k. They laughed and said he’s not worth anything. I laughed too, but deep down I felt a little frustrated because that amount feels really high to me. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it like, who in this economy can afford to give that much gold, buy a house, and still cover all the bills? I care more about marrying a good man, someone kind, religious, and able to take care of me.
But I’ve been thinking: what if I do ask for a small mahr, and he starts thinking, “She doesn’t ask for much,” and keeps that same low-effort energy through the whole marriage? On the other hand, if I ask for a higher mahr, maybe it sets the tone that he needs to always put in real effort.
I know people say “less is more” and that there’s barakah in simplicity but I also don’t want to end up stuck in a situation where he treats me the way I priced myself, like I asked for less so I’ll always accept less.
And honestly, sometimes I wonder why would I leave my parents’ house and get married if I’m not going to live a better life? I see my friends around me living comfortably, and it makes me think: I could just stay home, take care of myself and my parents, and avoid the stress. It makes me feel conflicted about marriage, like I don’t really know what to do.
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