I cry everyday

Assalamualaikum everyone

Recently, I started to pray again and learn more about Islam after leaving briefly during my high school years. despite having issues with my sobriety, I feel genuinely closer to Allah SWT. Ever since then, I have become more grateful and appreciative of everything around me. I started to speak to my parents every day and stopped looking at people from a cynical perspective.

However, I have started to cry everyday. I moved away from home at 15 for boarding school, and halfway across the world at 18 for university. however, today at 20 years old, I have started to cry everyday because of how much I miss my parents. I spend almost everyday alone. I moved to a different university so I do not know many people. The friend I had in my previous university have started to become distant with me. I miss living with my family and knowing that I was not alone. I hate how lazy I have become due to my addiction and not being able to make my parents proud. I regret so much of how I was to them when I was younger, and how much time I did not spend with my family. but because of this I became so grateful for them. Subhanallah, this is all because Allah SWT has softened my heart since my return to prayer.

Even though my heart is softened, it still hurts so much to feel so alone. I ask Allah SWT to help me quit my addiction but it’s the only thing distracting me from my pain. because of if I have stopped going to the gym as well. I feel as if so much time has been wasted and I am too old to start doing the things I want to do. I wanted to be a content creator but I fear I have messed up too much. I cannot focus on one thing either. I fear growing up and seeing my family age. I repent for the way I was to my family when I was younger almost every time I cry. I repent for the way I was to others. I feel like other than my family, no one is really there for me. even then, I do not want to worry my family and call them 24/7. I feel like my whole life is a mess and I am running out of time. Is there anything in Islam regarding these topics or any advice you would like to give me? also, please excuse my lack of knowledge; i’m trying to get better. Jazak Allah Khair.

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from Islam https://ift.tt/HcTaLZi