Can I reject my naseeb at the beginning and start developing feelings for him after? Is this possible ? My friend of 10+ years, confessed his feelings for me last year. He is such a nice guy, loves his deen, he is respectful and cares for me. At the beginning I was very confused because of my feelings towards him, because I wasn’t sure how I feel about him. We never met that often in these years of our friendship, maybe 4-5 times in all of those years. Last year he told me he has strong feelings for me and is in love with me and wants to marry me one day. But I don’t feel the exact same way. I love him deeply and I can’t imagine him being with another women, but it’s a different kind of love. Sometimes i feel attracted to him sometimes not, but I love his character and his fear of the almighty and his love to our deen. When i don’t see him for a period of time, I really miss him, but when I meet him i have an uncomfortable feeling inside me. Its so confusing. I can’t express this feeling. I have never gave him the chance to date me, because i wasn’t ready at the beginning. And I’m single since birth, I was never touched or kissed or even held by the Hand by anybody before. After a whole year of on-off contact, because he wasn’t letting me go, I decided to give him a chance. I didn’t want to regret it later and cry over him for many years because I lost my chance to marry such a nice guy. Then we started dating but a really really bad gut feeling started to plague me. It was so bad that I cried every time i went on a date with me, even though there was nothing wrong with him. But you also have to know that I am a very indecisive person and overthink everything and I hate new situations and new beginnings, i was single forever and now this guy wants to marry me. Maybe I’m just anxious about the whole situation or overwhelmed? Idk. As we started dating he took great care of me and was very respectful. But this gut feeling made me break up with him after a very short time. I was relieved at first because I felt that this gut feeling came from Allah and he wanted to protect me from something, maybe he wanted to warn me not to enter into a haram relationship. But I was still not relieved, I had such a sadness inside me because I also wanted him to my husband one day, and in all these years I haven't met a man except him. Is this perhaps a sign? I feel so bad I can't eat, I feel sorry for him because I hurt him so much. But at the same time I don't want to rush myself in anything, because I'm still not sure about my feelings. What do you think Allah is trying to tell me with this gut feeling? I also ended the relationship for the sake of Allah because I don't want to enter into a haram relationship and commit sins because I am very afraid of it. I also have the fear that we are just so enormously emotionally attached, that we both think we can’t live without each other. But this is the consequenc of a haram relationsship right ? I fear that we think that this is love but in reality we are facing the punishment of Allah, because we were commiting sins, in form of chatting and meeting occasionally. Can we run into each other again later and get married? What does Allah want to tell me with this gut feeling ? I urgently need help and advice

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