What to do

Salam Im half slavic and half arabic so I have always struggled with finding whats my path. Its a long journey and a long story. For instance, my slavic family encouraged me to be christian catholic - which I once was but it didnt really resonate with me. Then I struggled with atheism and was SO lost, my soul literally cried for help but didnt know where to find peace.

I always felt like my arabic background is much stronger, my family from Egypt is much more supportive and loving, caring, they really are Allah servants in every way. I always admired this about them.

I know some arabic basics, can do the accent well (I love it haha, the most beautiful language to ever exist in my opinion).

Recently I started learning how to pray properly and I know it will take me some time(I only know Surah Al Fatiha).

I still dont know much about Islam but Im willing to learn more. I have issue with recognizing the meaning of some islamic words like Dua, Adhkar, and so on, I think you get what Im saying. My arabic father is kind of guiding me so Im not alone but I need some sort of wise community because my country is mostly atheist/catholic and I dont really meet muslims here.

There is one thing Im really confused about - sins are punished, yeah right. So Im going through a really hard time (final exams, people leaving me, feeling like Im doing too little progress in Islam)

I try to listen ONLY to Quran lately and somewhere between my islamic content I watch on instagram there was this girl that popped up. She made a song, with a really strong demonic energy sang with beautiful deceiving voice. I started listening to it on loop and Im afraid of whats happened. Something whispered to me to keep listening to it. Now I have like red eyes, dilated pupils, I feel anger and disgust, rage. It feels like I’ve received something bad from this music. The thing is, I did this consciously but I feel like addicted to this one song. I really dont want to use Islam as an excuse to commit such sins, what to pray in order to strengthen the bond with Allah? I need to get out of this state. I still know very little about how it all works and mostly rely on what I feel in my heart. Thanks for any kind of responses.

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