Salam to my brothers and sisters in Islam I am going through a faith crisis and I need some advice. I have some stuff I’m going through, and I’m struggling really hard to even believe in Allah. Why does he give me so much suffering and no help? All my life, since the age of 8-9, I’ve been balding badly. I’ve also got bad teeth, and a huge head, and am skinny fat. My highest education is a high school diploma (which honestly isn’t even right, my parents took me out and did a bad job “homeschooling me”, as both of them never graduated college themselves but were so scared I’d get a girlfriend or something, which is so ridiculous, given how disgusting and ugly I am) , and I’ve never been able to get through college so I’m currently a drop out with a dead end job that I work at home from. I also take care of my parents and whatever I earn mostly goes to helping them and paying rent, since I can’t afford to move out in my area, so I don’t have a place to live on my own. So I can’t do things like pay for a dentist to fix my teeth, work out to improve my body or get healthy food needed for that, or to pay for implants for my head. I don’t have any friends , and I have no way of trying to find a wife on my own. My parents have tried arrange marriage but I don’t blame all the proposals getting rejected, who’d want a pathetic loser like me? It’s gotten to the point my parents have given up and told me I’m on my own, to go look myself. It just really sucks because I’ve had such a high sexual drive and I’ve resorted to mastrubation and porn to cope with my loneliness. I stopped for about a year now but now I’m just angry and sexually frustrated all the time. I do some bad things on this app too, so before someone goes through my comment history and points it out, yes, I still try haram avenues to outlet some of my frustrations I also have many health conditions, like diabetes and high blood pressure, and enlarged kidneys, to name a few. So medically I’m screwed too I stopped praying, stopped reading Quran, stopped making duas I’m scared I’m losing my faith faster and faster with each passing day. Why did Allah do this to me? Why do I have to go through this? And yes, I try to look towards people who have less than me, it doesn’t help me feel better in anyway. It just makes me angrier and more doubtful. And yes, I’ve heard of the story of Julayb, but that doesn’t make me feel better either. He had the prophet on his side to vouch for him and change his life so he could marry the beautiful woman he did. Who do I have? No one. My plea is this Am I too far gone? If looking at people less fortunate than me and hearing the story of julayb not help me feel any better, should I just give up on believing in Islam, since I’m ungrateful for going through so much?
Sorry for the jumbled mess, my minds a mess and I just need to know if I should even bother calling myself a Muslim, since I’m always angry at Allah and nothing I try helps me Thank you for taking the time to read this and may Allah bless you all.
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