ive been struggling a lot with islam. i was born a muslim but recently started praying but i always feel like im doing something wrong or im gonna go to hell. Ive changed a lot of my bad behaviour and stopped most of my bad habits but whenever i try to learn more about islam i always get misguided or get lost. i used to reject hadiths due to my parents also rejecting them due to everyone having a different opinion on the internet but now i believe it and im so scared of everything and feel like im not even a muslim due to my lack of information and i dont know where to start. i feel like most of the muslims are so harsh and judgmental as well which i understand but i just feel so worthless because of my current situation and i legit dont know what im even suppose to do to be a good muslim. i try to pray as much as i can, i give zakat with the money which my mom gives me as my school moneyl, i try to help the homeless people, i try to change my bad habits which i sometimes struggle but i always ask for forgiveness in the end of the day or after my obligatory prayers, i believe in allah only, quran, all the angels and prophets, i always thank allah for everything, i try not to back bite, i always apologise and right now i try not to do the haram which is written in the quran since i havent started reading the hadiths and the only sin which i can admit is not wearing a hijab but all of my clothes are baggy and i try not to wear tight clothes. All i can do now is cry and beg allah to guide me but i feel like my time will cut short and i will embarrass myself infront of allah and be sent to hell. i cant get any help from scholars since i live alone in italy and italy isnt a muslim country so im trying to do what i can by reading stuff from the internet which isnt helping at all. i dont know why its so hard for me to be successful like other muslims and fear everything considering my familys and my fate. please i beg anyone to help me and apologise for my bad English but im really in a bad place and i dont even think that this is a test from allah and think that im just not good enough to be a muslim
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