Want to get this off my chest. I am 20. I am in tears writing this, I love Allah. Everytime won something, I said praise to Allah, I won because he wanted. Every time I lost, It was because Allah wanted to teach me something.
Every step I take, I believed Allah was watching me, everything will turn out for the best If i kept believing in him. But now... everything seems to be crumbling,my imaan, I am trying to fix it, crying to allah to help me. I still believe him, but imaan is at the weakest now.
Its not like I am sinless, I stopped attending namaaz about 6 months ago after a consistency of years. Reason? I felt like it was interfering with my studies because that was when everything was going wrong, I was anxious and scared.. (Yes I know I am dumb, I must not have. I have sinned) Although I still attend friday prayers regularly. Also, I was the youngest in my family to perform namaaz. And until recently was amongst only the few in my peers who consistently didnt miss namaaz.
Sometimes I stayed in the mosque until last so I could cry to Allah for forgiveness and help. Nothing seems to be falling in place.
All I want to know is "what does Allah want?" What shall I do for him to accept me back?
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