Hi. If I am incapable of living life or being a good muslim which would in turn affect negatively here aswell as hereafter and where only miraculous help from allah (in a way that a mother carries her baby) will only help my life and I am failing in my studies which will be a financial burden on my parents .I am also incapable of anything at this point (my cognitive abilities has become too low, I am lazy when I should be hardworking, I cannot remember or do things properly even if I get taught a million times). Day by day I'm becoming a huge disappointment and I feel like I'm helpless about it. I've prayed to Allah but maybe my prayers are not good enough so nothing changes. I have been a huge disappointment throughout my life and it has turned out to be much worse. In a situation like this where a person is incapable of goodness or living his/ her life, will Allah be ok if I commit suicide? I think if I die I can at least tell Allah about this directly to him in the hereafter. I know that there are worse situations but in this point where I'm living like a dead person who cannot think or do anything (even the basic things) sort of like paralyzed.Is suicide the best thing for me because there is no way I can figure what and how to do things in front of me which needs to be done immediately? I feel like I should never have been born since I have no capability to live or attach myself to something to live other than faith (Like sports,technology and so on)
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