Salaam everyone. 23 F here. This is going to be long and messy unfortunately but I feel like I can’t continue anymore without talking to someone, without some advice, and hopefully this is okay to post here.
I’ve been thinking about Allah a lot these past 2 years, probably because I am a low point in my life, let’s be real. But it feels like everything is happening at once.
I am going to be talking about a haram relationship (that we once wanted to make halal) and also something i’ve been making dua for.
The haram relationship started 6 years ago. I never was interested in boys. I never pictured myself dating someone. But it happened. Cant go back and change it now. Now that we’re older, I see more and more incompatibilities. We are trying to work through it, but at the same time, i’m making dua something I want really badly (future career related). And I think to myself, did Allah deny this from me, because of the haram decisions I made? I forgot to mention, I also struggle with trying to quit weed. I’ve been on it for the last three years. I’m trying more and more to keep up with my salah as it’s constantly in my head, playing how bad of a Muslim I am. Then when I break down, I find myself questioning what the point of me being here is. If everything is denied for me. If I already made all the wrong mistakes. Looking on a brighter side — even though I was never consistent with my salah, Allah has blessed me and provided for me in different ways. My mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness when I was 12. A neurodegenerative one. So I had to (and still have to) care for her in several ways as she is completely paralyzed now. However when she was diagnosed, she was given 2-5 years only. She’s been here for much longer now. I’m so thankful to Allah for that. And so many other reasons to be thankful to Allah.
I don’t know where i’m going with this. I feel so lost. I feel helpless. I go back and forth debating on how i’m gonna live without this guy. If Allah will ever even bring him back to me if we split up. I don’t know what to do anymore. Im crying in the shower and having panic attacks. I’m losing it. Is this normal? I keep thinking that everything to come in life is just going to get worse, and worse, and worse. And i’m terrified.
I’m sorry for the negativity, and for how long snd messy this post is. If anyone has anything to say, Id appreciate it. Thank you.
EDIT: I should’ve clarified, this guy does want to get married. His family knows and his mother doesn’t even like the fact we haven’t gotten our nikkah, obviously. I am just scared of getting married before I have my own path figured out in terms of career, and also scared of getting into a marriage when we’re not compatible on all levels (we’re talking right now, asking all the questions).
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/xTPLign
Post A Comment:
0 comments so far,add yours