Excerpt from Dr Kanwal Kaisser’s speeches on marriage.
First thing is be true to yourself. How can you be honest? Look at yourself from third person’s perspective.
Sometimes a third person or friend would say, “you were screaming, you were showing lot of attitude, you were being rude’.
You yourself don’t realize. You will dismiss it saying, “no, I was talking normally”.
Then response, “no, it shows on your face that you were really upset”.
This happens when we are not honest with ourselves.
Second always review what’s your motive.
Umar (rad) narrated that Prophet (saw) said: “Actions are but by intentions, and each man will have but that which he intended…” (Nasai 3437)
Ask yourself why do I want to make my marriage successful? What should be my ultimate objective?
“But the greatest bliss is the Good Pleasure of Allah. That is the supreme success.” (9:72)
To please Allah. This should be the motive for every Muslim. If I am working towards I should be able to control my spouse, have an affluent lifestyle, things go my way. I should always be happy. Everyone should always be honoring me. But this ‘type of honor’ only belongs to Allah.
“…let them know that all honor and power belongs to Allah.” (35:10)
In grand scheme of things we are nothing.
Prophet (saw) was able to tolerate so much in Makkah. We are not able to tolerate one ‘phrase’ from someone. If someone looks at us with a small frown, we can’t tolerate it. We are not willing to tolerate anything.
Person who lives to please Allah. That individual will have higher objective. They will prioritize and rise above these things.
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