I need some advice, maybe someone had the same struggles.
So this is my life: Did many bad things when i was young, mainly because i felt rejected by people and still feel very rejected. Somewhere in my late 20's i started praying, reading quran, dikr. Fajr let alone tahajjud is hard, im very tired so i cant stand up, which is one of my sins these days. Lately i struggle because i cant find a job, i got stories which you wont believe, but im getting rejected by my name and looks. Lost most of my contacts due to depression and disappointment. My life is everyday the same, sitting every day on the couch, eat sleep and repeat. I pray, read quran and do dikr but not enough to deserve a better life imo. I got more issues, but i try to wait until Allah helps me. In the meantime, maybe hard to say, but im waiting until death comes for me as i cant commit suicide, no way i want to go to hell as i suffered enough here already, even though i think i dont deserve heaven because how i am at all.
Anyone else who didnt had progress in their live and had much issues? How did it became better for you if it became better? Its hard living this way, and maybe sad to think for my mum especially for hoping not to wake up anymore. I dont deserve a good life, its my own fault for all the sins i commited though so please no empathy responses or duas because i deserve the worst for how i was and still am, but rather some advice or knowledge. Thanks
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