Tw/Sexual abuse

I am a 22F. I have a brother who is now 24 and we are a Muslim family raised in the west. Ever since we were younger my brother has had behaviour issues, learning difficulties and antisocial behaviour. Our home life was riddled with conflict and abuse from my mother, who is an immigrant that married my father when she was 19. When I was six years old, my brother woke me up in the middle of the night to play a game, he wasn’t usually very nice to me so I was enthusiastic to play with him. I won’t go into the details, he molested me and said it was a secret game and that I shouldn’t tell anyone. It went on for a couple of months and he would sometimes blackmail me or say that if I told anyone I would get in trouble. When I look back I’m quite shocked at how manipulative he was at 8 years old. My father found out and told my mother. They both freaked out when they realised what was happening and my mother told me that in Islam if anyone does this they will go to hell. They took us both to the living room and my mother told us that the only way out was for them to kill us. My mother made me stand facing the door while she discussed with my father and he was trying to get her to calm down. She told us they were going to dig a hole in the garden first so they could bury us, after talking for a while my mother sent my dad to kill my brother in the kitchen. They were gone for awhile and I remember thinking he was dead and I was next. My dad eventually talked my mother out of it and she punished us for the next few months. Both my parents stopped talking to me for a while and I also didn’t go to school for a week, my mother kept me in my room and would occasionally come in to tell me that I was ruined, that no matter how many times I repented I would never go to heaven. My brother was beaten and punished in another room and I also didint see him for a while. I remember feeling suicidal and depressed during that time, even when I started going to school again I still felt worthless. Eventually when my mother forgave me she made me swear that I wouldn’t tell a soul about what happened. Nobody in my family ever discussed it again. My mother is a deranged narcissist who left us when we were about 11 and I’m glad she’s out of the picture. My older brother grew up to be a narcissist along with plenty of other issues, he always had major behaviour and schools would suggest he had autism, however my mother would always assert “there is nothing wrong with her son” and refused to get him checked. He also adopted this mindset and believes everyone else is crazy. Looking back I’m very annoyed with how my family handled this whole situation, sometimes I wish I could speak up but I know that my father will tell me to keep quiet about it or minimise the situation or blame me or even reject any responsibility for allowing that situation to happen. I know that my older brother is not a good person, however I don’t know if he is still an abuser, he is extremely defensive and would probably feel persecuted if anyone were to mention it. However I am worried that he will go on to abuse others. He has no empathy, is cruel, manipulative and makes my life hell when he is around. Sometimes I wish that my mother did kill us both.

submitted by /u/Pitiful-Development1
[link] [comments]

from Islam https://ift.tt/N2GfRZI