As-salamu alaykum,
My husband and I have been married for just over a year. We are long distance at the moment. I reverted to Islam about 2 years ago. We have been together for 4 years, we have repented for this.
My husband was born a Muslim. I am still learning a lot of things. When I learn things, I like to look at what imams say and the hadiths. If there's a weak hadith about a certain act or various disagreements, I'm a bit funny about following them. My husband, however, isn't always like that.
My husband has been trying to be a better Muslim over the past few years. He's praying more and searching about things more. However, he doesn't like it if I do my own research. He sends me a link to what he follows, and tells me if I want to learn anything, to search it on this website or ask him and he will search or ask an imam. He acts like everyone else is wrong in what they say, and he and the imams they follow are the only right ones. So I think he sometimes believes I'm following the wrong things when I look online, but I'm trying to just do it right.
My husband hates being told he's wrong about things and he will never be proven wrong. He will always find the tiniest piece or 'proof' he can in his favour. He's very stubborn and hard headed in this. For example, the imam he follows mentioned to recite the first 13 verses of a certain surah for so many days and it'll grant you any dua you want or something like that, I can't quite remember. I searched it and couldn't find a thing about it. So, we are from different countries, I searched it in his language and there is one thing. One thing only. The only thing I could find, was this one imam saying this. There were no hadiths, nothing. I don't even know where this imam got this information from. So I told my husband this, and he got so angry. He was saying he and his family were born Muslims and they've been following this imam for years and the imam that taught him, that this person is a scholar and I was not born a Muslim, and I need to just do it, this imam won't say anything wrong. I said I didn't want to do it because it's not in the hadiths and I've found nothing to back it up and we were just in an awkward relationship for a while after. We managed to fix it and get better, but he still brings it up sometimes if we argue.
It's gotten to the point I do not want to talk about religion with him. I sometimes feel I'm not 'my name' anymore, I'm just 'his wife'. Everything he says, I need to do, I need to follow everything, I shouldn't look for information myself I should ask him and he'll find it for me.
We don't argue a lot. But when we do argue, it can last a while. We don't necessarily argue for a long time, but we can have this awkward atmosphere. We're usually a lot better when we are together. I love my husband with all my heart. He is so good to me. He makes me laugh and he makes me happy and he helps me with everything I need help with and always tries to support me. But this constant 'I'm always right, you need to follow this, I've been a Muslim for longer' attitude is driving me crazy. I've told him he makes me feel like he's better than me and always will be because he throws it on me that he was born a Muslim and I wasn't. He has told me he's not always a good Muslim and he's proud of me and thinks I'm better, he just wants me to do what he says and what he follows.
He is a good man and I know his intentions are pure. But there's no talking to him about this. I feel like I'm at a point where I should just agree with him, even if I secretly don't agree, just to keep the peace. We do intend on living together, visa problems are keeping us apart for now, but insha'Allah we don't have much longer to wait.
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