These are my confessions. I grew up in a semi-religious family, that’s to say my parents were religious. Like many others in my community I went to the local mosque up until I learnt how to read the Quran. I wouldn’t say I was religious though. I fasted during Ramadan and attended the odd occasional prayers but I didn’t take it seriously enough to do it regularly.
Whilst my parents were religious, they still placed a high value on educational achievement. My family weren’t financially well off. I was the poor one amongst my friends. We managed though. I guess it was in high school where religion took a back seat for me.
I placed a lot of my time and emphasis on my education, leading to me being the first in my family to attend university. I then placed my time and emphasis on my career leading to me becoming one of the richest among my friends. Unfortunately, all this was at the expense of my religion. I believed in God and I occasionally prayed, mostly Fridays though, but even then I stopped placing importance on Friday prayers to focus more on my career.
Turning away from God led me to sin. In Islam there are major sins and minor sins. I confess I did commit major sins but I still considered myself to be a Muslim, I just gave into my worldly desires. I also became arrogant especially as I become wealthy. I felt like I had it all, the great career with amazing prospects (‘a rising star’ as I was called in my field), the money, holidaying in the Maldives, Dubai, Turkey, weekend trips away etc.
My arrogance and desires for pleasure led me to associate myself with unsavoury people. This was my downfall. Just as I thought my life was amazing, the actions of these unsavoury people led me to lose everything in just a matter of days. I was fired from my high earning job, the once promising career vanished along with most of my savings. I write this many months after those dark days but the worst is still yet to come.
I had two options when it came to my religion, I could have turned away completely from God, blame others for my faults and continue with my immoral life or I could turn towards God and accept I’ve sinned. I chose the latter. Although I’ve been unemployed for nearly a year and on welfare, I am at peace with myself. Things aren’t improving, far from it, my car just decided to die on me but I can’t afford a new one and once things go public I will be ostracized by friends and friends.
However, I’m comforted by the knowledge that in Islam God is the most merciful and that if I continue to on the right path of asking for forgiveness, praying and obeying Islamic morals, things will improve, in this life or the next, Insha’Allah.
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