Returning to Islam after 6 years and I need some guidance and support.

I got a story to tell you so brace yourselves

But over the past 6-7 years (20 rn) I have been disconnected with my imaan (faith)

This was due to me watching You Tube channels like the apostate prophet. And others disregarding and trashing the religion at a young age.

As a result it caused me to question my faith and religion entirely and as a result I fell down the rabbit holes of conspiracy theories and that lead me into Christianity for a brief while during my early teenage years.

Then after that I just didn't even pray or observe the faith of Christianity at all although I still had the belief in 1 creator. I later realised that I was more or less manipulated into it by watching debates and YouTube channels deconstructing Islam as a religion in a bad way . Delegitimizing the prophets and the noble Qur'ans origins.

This shit broke me man because I feel no guilt when I do something bad or pray and I have no peace in my heart no more. And I just can't get over the guilt of me blindly following individuals to tell me what to think at that age without any self awareness of my own which as a result lead me down a downward spiral

I didn't even know my own religion and for me to leave it completely without any reasons of my own is something I can't stop thinking about.

And I always wonder if that's the reason of my anxiety.

And these videos I was watching at the time was claiming things such as the Kaaba is idolatry and framing the prophet Muhammad pbuh in a terrible way

It primary originated from the fact that I didn't even know what I was saying while praying or reciting because at a young age I was taught to memorize the Qur'an and recite during prayer.

I also did my tawbah but I still feel so bad and so far away from God.

Any gems of advice and similar stories would be greatly appreciated as I want to repair my imaan again and have peace in my life.

submitted by /u/Abdi1617
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from Islam https://ift.tt/3FPpbxd