How do I make myself a better person ?

As-salaam 'alykum brothers, I need some advice. I'm going to be honest with you and hope that you will understand me and be able to help me.

I'm 21 years old. I'm moroccan and live in Belgium. I just started college. Alhamdulilah, I'm very greatful and I'm ready to study for my future.

I have a problem. It was created since my parents divorced when I was 12. I just honestly feel like I'm in the void and going downhill. I keep it hidden under a layer of happiness. I do my tasks, take care of my sisters, do my schoolwork but underneath all of that I'm just unhappy with myself. But I hid it well.

I used to go to Masjid but stopped and I'm ashamed of it. So ashamed, brothers.

I am social but I'm rather someone who stays alone with my family.

I started smoking weed at age 17. Since I changed school in my 11th grade everythings been going downhill for me.I used to hang out with bad friends. "Friends" that used me and showed me the bad way. I broke contact with them. And feel relieved. I stopped smoking weed in 2021. My motherntold me to stop and I stopped out of love for her and promised her to never touch it again. I am so different and motivated now.

I love my parents. I can't even explain how much I love them, but I'm so pressured by them and their problems, 9 years later after the divorce. I keep hearing bad things from both sides. Shocking things, brothers. I just hear it out out of love for them.

I endured racism and humiliation during my teen years and it destroyed me and my self-confidence.

I started to drink beer, during covid. I recently started to use cocain and LSD. My parents do not know that about the drugs . I had sex twice with girls. Went to a prostitute. Felt like it helped me relieve everything, but it wasn't.

According to my mother's family, I'm zouhri. I'm special and can unlock my potential by approaching God. Only by staying on God's path. I feel lost.

I'm ready to quit drugs and alcohol for good. I want to get close to God.

Do I start praying ? Ask forgiveness for my sins ? Even if I'm ashamed to ask God after all I've done ?

Will God give me strength and confidence if I stay on his path for good ? If I improve my Iman ?

submitted by /u/GrimesOP
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