Assalamu Alaikum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakatu
I don’t even know where to start. I don’t even know where to turn. I feel like Allah swt doesn’t even want to hear my repentance at this point.
This entire year has been nonstop misfortunes for me. One thing after another and I am not sure if I can handle one more thing. I’m scared because I feel like I will break.
Just to name a few things that I have been tested with this year:
-Lost my job -Lost my college funding due to the fact that I changed my major -Got evicted and had to live out of a hotel -My mother suffering debilitating medical issues, and might lose her legs -Totaled my car -Found out my husband has been adulterous -Lost all of my friends after they heard of my husbands adultery… (not sure how that makes sense there) -Got diagnosed with a nervous system disease + tumors -having to go thru all of my procedures and oncology visits alone… I live states away from my family
I’m not looking for sympathy. I just want to be heard. I have been tested to my limits and mentally I am shutting down. Due to everything I have let myself fall back into sin and now I feel as if I’ve dug an even deeper hole for myself
“Verily, with hardship comes ease” but when? when does the ease happen? I haven’t gotten a break through any of this. I haven’t experienced ease in 11 months. I don’t even know if i’m looking for advice here. I have no one. I lost my friends, my family is hours away, I have no money to afford a therapist, I’m too much of a coward to even pray. I don’t know what to do.
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