Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatu lah, i (17f) have moved away for uni and have been feeling very lonely since i barely know anyone here, so yesterday i went to get some groceries that's when i met 3 of my classmates (2 which i knew already) so i said hi without shaking hands with any of them for obvious reasons which threw them off guard since last year and the years before i couldn't care less about hugging and shaking hands with the opposite gender.
So i kinda like the third guy, i don't know him much but i thought of it as an innocent harmless crush, but his presence made me wanna stay around them and unfortunately i did, we shopped together and walked back together, and by that time i was already feeling guilt for doing something I'm not supposed to do but i brushed it off until today when the guy texted me asking why i didn't shake hands with them i simply explained that it is for religious purposes ( we live in a Muslim country so he probably should've known) he kept calling me a sexist for only shaking hands with females and indirectly calling me a retard which made me feel pressured to do the thing i regret the most:
To prove that I'm not a retard i decided to talk to him in his way (not very respectful if u ask me) and suggested that we should play a game together and it involved having a voice chat, i was the only girl playing, and it felt wrong but i just kept going cause i didn't want the guy i like to think I'm a retard, it may seem like a normal thing for some of you but its not, we then moved on to another game called picture roulette which basically shows u a picture from one of players gallery and you gotta guess to whom it belongs that's when i saw pictures of him hugging girls and stuff and that's when it hit me, i knew i shouldn't like someone who doesn't care about religion and felt guilt for what i did cause clearly god didn't matter to me as much as some random guy at that moment but also felt like hypocrite for not caring in the beginning.
i quit playing shortly after and now i feel so guilty for what I've done just to get the attention of a guy and more importantly i opened a door for him and the other guys involved to treat me as a girl who just doesn't care about religion and is okay with boys talking to her and calling her, that's not me! i know those aren't my values! i know i respect myself and what I've done was out of character and idk how i could fix this, how could i set back my boundaries?
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