I was born into a religious family. After engaging in many debates with non Muslims, I reluctantly and quietly left Islam. I just no longer believed and I had so many questions. Questions I still haven't found an answer to.
It has been 2 years since and now I want to practice again and come closer to Allah. I think Allah wanted to show me that there's no life without Him. He gave me a chance to run around for a while so that I might see how empty life is before bringing me back.
What convinced me? I've recently been listening to sheikh yasir qadhis seerah of the prophet peace be upon and there's no doubt, while Islamic resources of the prophet are bias and potentially exaggerated( it is human nature), there HAS TO be some truth to what he said. There are many ahadiths that I will simply never belief UNLESS the prophet himself tells me. I don't care whether they are in bukhari or not.
His core beliefs, monotheism, is honestly a breath of fresh air. So firm and so simple. He truly believed in what he preached, regardless of the cost. Peace be upon him. And a higher being must have communicated with him. His life oozes of sincerity and honesty. Criminals and liars are eventually exposed. He couldn't have been a liar. Sallalaahu aleyhi wasalam..
Now, salah. I want to pray but I am greatly struggling with dahara. Its difficult not to pee and as a man, no matter how much you shake, there's always one drop of najs that comes out.
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