My mother is abusive. Verbally and physically. As the status is well known basically by every single person in this ummah, she uses that her advantage.
She goes on a cursing rampage on my faults and mistakes as well as exaggerating them and making up false claims about me. She backbites me.
She has always hit me. Her character is bad. Period. But she cooks, looks after the house, and has put up with me as a baby.
Put up with me. But in reality it's highly possible that she has smacked me in the face countless of times as an infant.
She makes bad'dua for me, constantly wishing for me to never succeed. She goes out of her way to always discourage me and always claims, that because I have offended her, I will fail. Because Jannah lies under her feet.
One examples is exams. She would curse me out and confidently tell me that I will definitely fail. I passed, but the whole process of preparing and studying for those exams was made hard because she would say that all the time (even though these exams are easy).
She has made me suicidal for almost half my life now. I lived basically my whole life feeling unloved because she treated me as a burden.
When she keeps on doing what she does at some point, I feel like I need to defend myself, or else it will get worse. At the end she beams in pride because she's mom and no matter what she does, her respect is worth more than my pain. She is a narcissist. She doesn't care about anyone else's feelings except for hers.
Why is the bar for being a good Muslim parent set so low by our society? Especially for mothers. Yes childbirth is hard but when the da'wah community has always focused on that, it has now acceptable for mother to deem her job finished up giving birth. That now jannah is under her feet and she will face no consequences for her actions. Mothers have become a separate caste in the Muslim world.
I am a scholar, but feel so lost. Those seven years in madrasa I never found anything substantial and clear cut about this. Just vague bits here and there. It doesn't help when the sheikhs and the da'wah community constantly talk about the rights of parents and when there's more clear hadith about their rights than children's. Nothing like, "Don't curse/berate your child", "Don't beat your child" even though naturally child abuse occurs more than parental abuse as the child is the one from the start that's weaker and at the person's mercy.
Mercy. In da'wah, a lot of da'ees and traditional teachers talk how parents should be respected because the baby was at their mercy. Why at their mercy? As if parents have an option to not be merciful? The child is their responsibility. Some of them act like these children asked to be born or deserved to be abused. It doesn't help at all when all we do is bring up hadith that are generic (be kind, be merciful etc) to n audience where there are no potential perpetrators. Muslim parents (especially boomer generation and older, definitely going to the first humans) do not see themselves as generic but exceptional, so they need to be addressed directly.
Even despite my knowledge she treats me like garbage. Both my parents treat me and my siblings unequally (this is the only concrete right of children I know of).
Honestly at this point I have tawakkul issues. I think what if Allah chooses to side with my parents instead of me this matter. The happiness of the lord lies in the happiness of the parents and the displeasure of the lord lies in the displeasure of the parents.
And they have been displeased. The problem is that it's my misery and suffering that makes them happy. They like control. They want me to just heed to everything they want like robot. And it makes me want to kill myself.
Which is worse? My parents feeling disrespected (even from a civil disagreement/having different opinion, just a simple no) or me being abused (if Allah even considers it abuse that is).
Most others just straight up leave Islam when they go through this like me, but I'm still in because my aqeedah is strong alhamdulillah.
I can't talk to my peers about it because they just don't get it and I'm ashamed to tell them because we're supposed to be the last to ever think of suicide or have bad relationships with their parents. A couple who I open up just straight up dismiss me and tell me I should just make up with my mom. I can't make up with my mom because that just boosts her narcissism and gives her more room to continue abusing me.
I'm hoping someone who studied more than me, has more knowledge than me can just talk to me about this because I just feel so lost and nobody around me irl wants to hear me out. They all sympathize with my mom even though majority never met her.
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