How do I ask Allah to guide me?

Salam Brothers and sisters. May Allah forgive us for our shortcomings.

Around 2014 before beginning college, I was not a good Muslim and did not care about Islam that much. I did not pray , disliked going to Jummah, ate haram but never committed any major sins such as adultery, drinking ect.(Alhumdullilah). I began college and became alone anxious and depressed because I had no idea what to major in. I also had no friends. I began reading the Quran and tried my best to turn my life around because of the depression and confusion. I began praying, quit haram eating and tried to followed the command of Allah to the best of my abilities. I became at peace Alhumdullilah but was still very anxious because I did not know what to do with my life.

I began to ask Allah to please guide me in what I should do and then I came across a field that appealed to me greatly and I thought I made the right decision.. The field required a Masters so it took me about 5 years in completing my undergrad and getting accepted into the program. I still had doubts if it was the right choice and was still depressed because of the lack of friends in college but I guess I ignored my doubts and just said that it would work out fine.

I get my acceptance letter in January and I am still very confused if I should continue with the degree. At this time my Imaan was not the best. I masturbated allot , listened to vulgar music, prayed my prayers late but will still ask Allah for forgiveness.

I finally began my masters in august 2019 and my anxiety skyrocketed because there were many changes in the field that came right when I began the program which would negatively affect the ability to get jobs. More changes were coming in 2021 when I will graduate so I became extremely anxious because I was not sure If I would've liked my job and because I was going to pay out of pocket to avoid interest. My father was going to help me pay as well.

I again began to beg Allah and pray extra nafl , prayed at the mosque, cried many times to ask Allah for guidance if I should stay or drop the program. I also asked Allah to forgive me for being disobdient towards him I got no clear answer but eventually asked to defer my application to next year and I guess that was the answer to my prayer. I still had no idea if I should start the program again next year but was denied acceptance for the next year. For the next couple of months I was devastated because I spent the last several years getting to where I was and still very anxious. I kept asking Allah for forgiveness but eventually turned back to m old sins and got lazy about my future. I jus said I would try to get into another field but just returned to work at my previous job until I figured out my life and just to heal from my extreme anxiety.

I turn 26 and still did the same sins . Covid came but I still got money from my Job and made extra cash reselling gym equipment. I was still masturbating, not caring if missed Fajr, began becoming distant from my mother because she was disappointed in me for being so lazy which is totally understandable.

Then the extreme anxiety hit me again because I again began to worry about my futre this past couple of weeks.

I then reflected on my self and accepted that I was again being very disobedient and accepted that I was a zalimuun and asked Allah for forgiveness. I am currently glad that Allah allowed me to realize that I was a sinner and that the anxiety gave me a wake up call for my Akirah but I am still unsure on my future and sad on why I chose the major in the first place and wasted my time. I at least have a bachelors , 40k in savings and zero debt so I am not complaining and am very grateful to Allah that he did not punish me greatly but how do I ask Allah on my next steps and to correctly guide me. I began to have extreme anxiety again about my future . I don't want to turn away from Allah anymore . ANy advice. Any thoughts on my story?

submitted by /u/randomthrowawayxxxx
[link] [comments]

from Islam https://ift.tt/3oL18rP