As a girl from a strict family, everything was controlled by my parents including my major, what college I went to, where I could/couldn't go, how I spent my money, who I could associate with, etc. I'm the only girl and my brothers were not controlled like this. Alhamdulillah it protected me in some ways, but I also feel imprisoned and powerless in my own life. I live at home and can't move out right now. I'm almost in my mid 20s and while I have so much to be thankful for, I feel a deep sense of unhappiness and discontent because I am not living the life I want. Whenever I express this I'm told that jannah is obtained by obeying your parents even if it's difficult and they quote quran verses. It is killing me inside because I feel very unhappy and unsatisfied, like I'm living at a fraction of my potential. Does obedience to parents mean sacrificing your own happiness and autonomy?
I have a deep passion for teaching, writing, art, nature, poetry, traveling, etc but I feel like I can't really explore those passions due to my family. They don't let me do anything. This year I was supposed to go traveling with my cousins but my parents refused. My dad said if I travel without a husband I am basically asking to get raped, even if I go with other women. He shut down all of my travel plans. I am not married and probably won't be for some time due to my life circumstances, and none of my male family members (including him) are interested in accompanying me. I desperately want to travel and I'm so sad I can't.
If I sleep in some days I'm told I'm lazy and sleep too much (I work 12hr shifts at a hospital). If I'm on the phone with a friend I have to explain who I'm talking to and sometimes what I'm talking about. Whenever I spend time on a hobby I enjoy, I am criticized for wasting my time on "stupid things" and asked why don't I read Quran instead or make myself useful by cooking/cleaning. I was learning Spanish and was belittled for it because it's "useless." If I spend money on beauty products I'm told I am vain and selfish. I can't just live and do what I want. Anything that brings me personal joy or satisfaction is considered a waste of time. But anything that they approve of is great. The thing is... I can't live like this. The micromanagement is destroying me inside. I'm a human being not a robot. When I stand up to it I'm dismissed using Quran verses and hadith, and made to feel like if I don't live life exactly as my parents want me to, then I'm disobeying Allah and will be cursed. I just can't reconcile this with Islam. Didn't Allah give us free will? As long as I am doing my basic Islamic duties, why does it matter if I pursue a passion like learning Spanish or writing poetry? If it makes me happy? I have tried very very hard for 20+ years to live the life they want for me but the older I get, the more stifled I feel and the unhappier and more miserable my life becomes. I don't want to live like this.
I know Islam stresses the rights of parents. I understand there are certain things expected of us and I don't dispute that. However, as long as I am being respectful, not engaging in haram, is it OK to do things that make me happy even if my parents don't approve or don't "allow" it? I mean I am an adult..... at what point am I allowed to live my life the way I want? Am I incurring Allah's wrath for spending my time or money in a way they don't like? Does personal autonomy even matter in Islam? Does personal happiness/fulfillment matter?
TL;DR: Parents are extremely controlling and do not allow me to pursue passions/life goals that interest me. They use Islam to justify themselves. Islamically speaking is it ever OK to go against your parents wishes to do something that fulfills you, if it is not haram? for example spending time/money on your interests. Does Islam allow personal autonomy in this case and to what extent?
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