Hi! I posted on here before about not being religious at all until my father passed away. I’ve been trying to read, understand, and memorize duas. And I’ve been reading an English version of the Quran. After my father’s death, I’ve been searching up a lot on afterlife. But every time I do (especially on Reddit) there are many atheists or non-believers who scoff at the idea of an after-life, insists there’s nothing, or insults religions in general. To be honest, it makes me really depressed especially when they say there’s no scientific evidence of Allah or the after-life. At times, I feel like I’m inclined to believe them but I also really want to hold on to my beliefs and hopes.
I was never really religious before so at the moment my faith is still weak and it’s being shaken easily. But I am really doing my best to learn more about Islam and religion in general. I’m doing my best to pray every night, to memorize duos, and I will learn how to do Namaaz too.
I just feel so guilty. Am I using religion just for hope and comfort? Do I truly believe in Allah and the after-life? Am I such a bad person for doubting myself and my beliefs? I just feel so lost and confused. I feel like I’m such a selfish person and terrible for questioning everything especially because i know Allah has helped me a lot once I turned to my religion. My anxiety and panic attacks have decreased a lot. And it’s helping me shape up to be a much better person than before. So why do I still have doubts in my heart? Why do I get influenced so easily by nay-sayers? I asked for Allah’s forgiveness for the doubts I’m having at the moment and I hope to be guided on the right path. I know this post might seem somewhat contradictory. I guess I’m still in the midst of figuring out myself.
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