Backstory, I've clinical depression and anxiety, I got off antidepressants because I didn't like how it was affecting my brain. my iman is not enough. I've done meditation and it helps a bit. I want to do prayer but when I do, it feels empty.
sometimes I feel like I'm just labelled a muslim but I don't practice. I've become aware I'll go to jahannam, I am also aware things can change because Allah is the most merciful.
lately, I've reached a breaking point, I've had uncontrollable crying because I realize I'm so lonely, even when I am with friends and family. I've never felt loved, what does love feel like?
It's obviously not physical intimacy. What I want, a kiss, hug or 'cuddling' these are all attachments.
As I'm writing this, my heart bpm is at 105 bpm, sweating, and warm body temperature and I'm crying..my mother thinks I'm an emotional train wreck and being impatient with life..
I want to calm down, who cares about relationships, love, and affection. I just pray from the bottom of my heart to get rid of these insecurities.
Jazakallah
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