This year’s Ramadan has been the worst one for me so far. I didn’t feel the usually spiritual uplifting you’d expect and I didn’t feel myself become more secure in my Muslim identity. In fact, I feel troubled with this part of my identity. There’s been so many points of doubt that weighed me down to depths I never imagined. And whenever I felt it necessary to talk about it to anyone, I didn’t have a place to go. Especially this subreddit. I saw only the same I saw in my life before. I went day by day clawing deeper into Islamic thought only to find more needlessly harsh regulations, more of the same abuse, more of the will of others than a religion that can develop on its own. To me, the Muslims around me have failed. I apologize if this offends anyone sensibilities, but this is how I felt. However, I never questioned Allah. Everything happens for a reason and I shouldn’t worry so much anymore, but doubts kept popping into my mind, most notably about the ahadith. I won’t go deep into this dilemma, but I’m sure you can see where this led too. The more ahadith quoted or misused the more I felt myself grow distance between them. But today, the post about Quranists made me realize the fault in that approach. I understand now that willing away thousands of years of scholarship makes no sense. It’s just lately I felt Islam not as a religion, but as a will of others who want power all for themselves. It took so long to shake this feeling, but the Muslims around me and online don’t help with this dilemma at all. They add to it. I need to go down a path where I can find myself not burdened by my faith because I love it so much. I wanted to share this in the hopes of anyone who wanted to talk about this issue or share their own problems.
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from Islam http://bit.ly/2XpY3zm
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