Disclaimer, this is a "open letter" that share a story, my story, a journey of sorts.
I'm just a messed up 20yo kid who just likes sharing stories and listening to them too, after an interesting event I decided to write it down here. It was really hard to just hit send.
If anything bad is said, I am deeply sorry, I have a bad habit of not expressing myself properly, believe me I don't wan't to hurt anyone, I just like stories, and sometimes I like to share mine.
Hello my fellow brothers and sisters,
I could say this is a, open letter to just share a little bit of my "journey".
So I don't really believe in god, I mean I don't think I do, and for the last few years I have been questioning myself, so at the end of last year I started listening to a podcast here in Brazil, that tells many stories of refugees from Syria, and some episodes where focused on Islam, and one of the recurring guests is a Brazilian born woman who found herself in Islam, I have to say her story and the way she talked about the religion really touched be somehow, actually the whole series helped me understand a lot more than I ever did on the matter. Any sort of bad thoughts that came considering Islam really just... Went away, and all that was left was, I guess, curiosity.
So this year I started talking online with a girl from a foreign country, then she rapidly became a really good friend and turns out she is Muslim, so... I decided well, her country's culture is VERY different from BR's one, also Islam is pretty much something that I have never properly understood, it is very different from any sort of Christianity that I have seen here, those of which really... Never appealed to me. Well this line of the story could really get into a whole can of worms that I don't wanna get into, like... my crazy dad that is pretty much a full "atheist-god-is-b*-conspiracy-theories-are-real-water-is-turning-the-frogs-gay" type of guy, and yeahhh religion was a big no no through my childhood, I mean the guy went full "the communists are turning you gay" just bc I dyed my hair blue and pink... like, yeahhh. Let's leave it at that.
Anyway, I've been researching Islam for the last month I guess, and the way people portray it is just... beautiful, I mean that's the image that I've been seeing all around me, you know the internet, you search one thing and that just keeps coming back at you, and Islam kind of became a daily thought in my head. People always seem to have an interesting love for each other in the most beautiful meaning of the word love, like... Brothers and sisters.
Also I'm a big Philosophy advocate, I love the subject, and I have really though about so many different conjectures in my head, and my understanding of God just... changed. I used to be the type of person that makes jokes about religion, some of them which could be interpreted in a bad way, and nowadays, every time a silly thought comes through my head I just feel... kind of ashamed, I feel bad. Another can of worms would be talking about how "comedy should have no boundaries" and yeah I still think that's true, but... Some just make me feel disappointed with myself now.
Well in the end I'm just a 20yo dude who just feels lost, even when I just entered college for languages, my all time favorite subject, but there is just... something missing.
And after losing most of my friends at the start of the year for a borderline "crisis/attack" I just felt even more inclined into questioning myself, life, the universe and even God. I'm just really glad that one of them is still around and my other friendship of 5 years(+) came back.
Yesterday I decided to "pray", I say it with quotes bc I have no idea how to properly do it, nor what to say, but I guess I just wanted to feel the ground, have a little contact with the earth, anyway today I remembered that I am supposed to face the Kaaba, and I discovered something very beautiful. I decided to look up in Google Earth using the ruler features to see where I'm supposed to face, and turns out my windows faces directly to Mecca... I feel, very "blessed"? I don't know that's what made me come here and share.
Much love,
-Spooked_kitten
Also the podcast is called "Projeto Humanos" (Humans project) and the Syria series is called "O Coração do Mundo" (The world's heart / The heart of the world), you can find it here if you want to check out their stuff, https://www.projetohumanos.com.br/temporada/o-coracao-do-mundo/ If you understand Portuguese of course. :/
"I hope this was at least interesting to read"
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