I’ve been on quite a journey with faith these last two weeks, and I’m sorry to come here every week and ask a new question regarding loss of faith. I appreciate the help some users have extended, and I apologize for any frustration or wasted time I’ve caused you.
I finally opened up to my mom about what I’ve been feeling, hiding nothing from her, straight down to doubting if Muhammad is the prophet, to which she called me a kaffir. That’s fair, but I’m glad I talked to someone. While explaining my problems, she told me my grip on the deen is too tight.
I told her that when I go to parties, I feel guilty for doing haram. She told me I’m being too extreme because I’m transforming their sin into mine, and I told her it’s haram to go to these events, so yes I’m sinning. She again said I was living too extremely.
I told her that I felt guilty for sitting at tables while friends or family members drank alcohol, and she said “so you’re just going to lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life? The solution is to not look at the alcohol, but still sit at the table.” And again when I told her it was haram to sit at tables with drinking, she said I was too tight and stressing myself out.
These aren’t the only matters she told me I was too tight about, but these are the ones I remember the most. Essentially, the fact that I have to hate and disagree with drinking, weed, premarital sex, and other sins stresses me out, because I have to actively do something rather than passively not drink. I’ve realized that I don’t desire to drink or smoke or have sex, but rather I just don’t want to carry the burden of having to avoid all such situations, because most of my friends and family indulge in them. I don’t want to sit there and think “you’re all sinning and destined for hell and I hate all sin and this situation is bad” instead of enjoying the company. I guess my iman is weak (I mean clearly it is), but I don’t see anything wrong with enjoying a beer now and then, or having a girlfriend, but I understand that Allah has made it impermissible for me and thus I cannot engage in it. I don’t see why I also have to take on the burden of actively disliking and disagreeing with their actions.
If you’ve read my other posts, these aren’t the causes of my doubts, but they certainly make them more immediate. I must decide NOW if I’m a Muslim or not, which places a huge burden on me.
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from Islam http://bit.ly/2QmoIcc
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