I recently found out that my cousin is secretly dating and is engaging in zina with a non-Muslim man. Another cousin, who is close to her finally told me after attempts to advise her didn’t work out.
From what I’ve been told, the man is considerably older than her, lied about his age, has no stable income, has multiple children and is partially financially supported by my cousin. She also suspects he may be cheating on her. As Muslims, the religious incompatibility is already a serious concern, even aside from these other red flags.
What makes this more urgent is that she apparently plans to move out of her parent’s home, cut off the family and live with him in secret. She earns more than her parents combined, but has never contributed to rent. I suspect she’s taking advantage of her parents by saving as much money as she can to live her haram lifestyle. Her mother has approached her with marriage proposals several times, but she refuses to consider them. She has also taken her younger sister to meet this man which is infuriating. As for her religiosity, she wears a hijab, but doesn’t actively practice Islam. How could you possibly have a connection with Allah while actively engaging in sin with no desire to stop?
A couple of years ago, she claimed to have a stalker who repeatedly harassed her. Now I’m being told that this “stalker” had contacted her parents after catching her with her boyfriend. To keep her secret, she painted that man as a stalker, destroyed his credibility then denied the his claim and her parents believed her.
Other cousins and her friends have advised her against this relationship, but she has continued regardless. I’ve spoken to my youngest aunt, whom we’re close to and plan to speak with my cousin alongside her. I don’t want my cousin to ruin her life, destroy her relationship with her parents/family, corrupt the youth and violate the boundaries of our religion.
I’m genuinely so angry, I don’t know what’s going through her head. She wears a hijab and walks around in public with this guy. That’s completely unacceptable. This is a delicate situation and I want a positive outcome, but I only see two outcomes. She either breaks up with him and repents to Allah or she has to leave and stay distant from our family. We’re not going to completely cut her off, but we won’t tolerate this and allow her to corrupt our family either. I’m I wrong for this?
How should I approach this? Do I tell her parents right now? What if she doesn’t want to leave this man? What specific boundaries and expectations do I set?
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