My first and most likely last time here forgive me for not knowing how to navigate this. Been contemplating on asking about this on here but I feel really disconnected from islam and I just need to get it off my chest. I grew up muslim in a muslim country & family and all that but I never really felt like one. I loved how beautiful Islam is and it's teachings but I could never feel myself connect to it like other people and many times in my life I feel like islam was used against me. I had my most beloved pious and religious family members pass away suffering so immensely and it truly broke me. I still recite Al-Fatihah before going to bed but I can't pray or read the quran or even think of Allah SWT without feeling like I'm lying to myself and to god. I've been depressed almost all my life and the only advice I've been getting is turn to your prayers but I genuinely can't. I see the people of palestine going through the worst of the worst right now and suffering and yet they still haven't lost faith in Allah SWT so what is my excuse? I get online and I see so called "dawah bros" who spew absolute filth about my religion and get away with it and it just pushes me away even further. I'm really scared that it will be too late for me by the time I get a chance to repent and turn to god again. Is that a bad thing to say?
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