Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, dont come after me. Its 1 in the morning… sorry if this is selfish or corny
I dont know how long i can keep up wirh this life anymore. I’ve suffered too long.
Ive dealt with Abuse mentally and physically since i was a kid, Been in car crashes 3 times, have 5+ different mental health/disorders diagnoses, dealing with economic issues, islamic trauma, I do self harm to cope, Ive overdosed before, got into my dream university and major but cant afford it.
Sometimes i question if God is even real? he never answers my Duas and he made my life so cruel. I do believe that Islam is the right direction, but i don’t even know if He wants me here? I failed him, i failed everyone, everyone is disappointed in me. I dont know if i can keep living like this, i feel like i would be better off dead. Ive asked Allah since the age of 7 for him to just take my life. I think its better if i just killed myself
Everyone just keeps saying to me “Oh this is cause your iman is low”, “you need to pray 5 times a day” ,”You need to be wearing the hijab!!!” And even “Your a woman you cant do that!” The thing is I DO!!!!! I do pray, i do read the Quran, i do good deeds and its always targeted about me being a girl. And when people say those stuff it just drifts me away from Islam, it makes me feel bad about myself, like im a failure and im doing everything wrong. Now my mental health has taken over me and all i do is just rot away and i barely pray.. I know its bad, i hope he understands. I question about islam everyday now… i love and believe in islam but i just dont know how to feel. I still beg him to take my life :,) i hope he listens.. i dont have much to live for. Im disappointed and disgusted with myself. I failed everyone, i failed myself
Oh Allah set me free, I’m not your strongest soldier. I can’t take this anymore
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