My mother’s baddua is destroying my life. How do I lift a deceased parent’s curse?
I am the eldest son. My mother passed away 3 years ago. She was a good woman who sacrificed everything for us, but she had diabetes and severe anger issues. When she got extremely angry she would sometimes make baddua, and my father would tell her to stop because it might be the time of acceptance. I was 16 — immature, lazy, a mischievous child. I did things most kids do, but I took them too far. She would say I would realize her value after her death. I didn’t understand.
After her death, our family collapsed. Troubles came one after another. Our financial situation is poor. My father once had a good life but it was destroyed by black magic. He gives everything so I can study and support him. But I’m becoming a loser. I can’t be consistent. I have ADHD. I’ve tried everything: daily prayers, sincere taubah, weeping in sujood. Every single time it feels like I’m knocking on a door where no one is. I get no peace. I’m falling into addictions. I’m becoming a man I never wanted to be and I can’t stop it. Nothing is in my control.
I have analyzed this deeply. This is not a test from Allah. This is not black magic. This is my mother’s baddua, and I would bet my life on it.
My dreams were never selfish. All my goals are for welfare, for family, for something greater. Still my life is like this. I get dark, intrusive thoughts — sometimes suicidal, sometimes whispers of atheism — but I know I won’t act on them. That’s not who I am. But I cannot fight my mind for the rest of my life. I don’t have the time to wait for “good days.” What is my family’s sin to have a son like me? I just want to earn so they can live in ease.
I need a solution rooted in the Qur’an and Sunnah. How do you lift a mother’s baddua when she is already in her grave? What kaffara (expiation) exists for the one who has no money? What did the Prophet ﷺ teach about reversing a parent’s justified curse? If anyone has real, specific guidance — du’as, actions, amal from the salaf, anything — please tell me. I am not looking for generic advice. I need the rope.
Please keep replies kind. I am barely holding on.
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