I am a young female living back with my parents after moving out for university. My family dynamic has been an emotional rollercoaster my whole life, including past emotional and physical abuse. My mum is largely emotionally abusive and my dad was physically (not anymore).
Right now, they are either super nice to me or extremely horrible, my mum usually insulting me/ swearing/ screaming for no reason/ getting extremely emotional over everything. There is no middle ground.
Its causing alot of distress and its coming out in the form of insomnia/anxiety attacks/crying/snapping/ worsened period pains and wanting to isolate from everyone.
For context my friends are all still at university so there is no other escape from my house apart from work/gym/one hour walk(which im allowed only on weekends).
I have a few main questions:
Why do I feel physically nauseous when they are nice to me? Is this normal? It almost feels worse than when they are mean because I feel guilty for not appreciating their ‘niceness’. I love them but it’s very difficult to act okay with them when i remember how they treat me usually/in the past.
How do I cope when they all gang up on me or mock me for being the "odd one out" in the family?
As a Muslim, I know we are taught to show mercy and respect to our parents, which makes this incredibly difficult and confusing. I cannot move out right now because I haven't saved enough money yet, and cutting contact completely would cause permanent damage to my relationship with them.
How do i stop reacting? And stop taking everything personally/being sensitive to what they do to me?
How do I protect my peace and stay okay while saving up to leave?
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