Asalamu alaykum everybody. This is my very first post ever on Reddit. I have been struggling for a while now with a lot of things that have challenged me and my faith. I have just finished university and it is safe to say that this has been the hardest year of my life. Anxiety is destroying me. I have severe health anxiety. I pray so much to Allah.
I pray tahajjud. I studied 2 years for a medical school exam that I failed twice. My dream was to go to pharmacy school and I was rejected this year. I was rejected from 2 of the masters I applied for. I do not have many friends, if any. It is safe to say that we live in a time where I feel that other Muslim girls tend to give evil eye to one another and can sometimes belittle one another as I have consistently seen around me. I keep to myself but sometimes it gets too much. I never enjoyed university because I had no friends. I am so sick and tired of the endless nights I spend without sleep because of my anxiety.
I am anxious all the time and when it stops, I am lucky for a day or two before I pay attention to my body excessively and it spikes again. I would say my faith is strong alhamdullilah but can definitely be improved. I am jobless and have applied to so many jobs. My last job I applied for I did 3 interview rounds that wrecked me emotionally and physically and I ended up being let go after being trained in. I never felt comfortable in the job and prayed tahajjud that night and subhanallah the next day they rejected me and I went with the mentality and belief that Allah saw something I could not see, so of course alhamdullilah for that blessing.
But it gets too much sometimes. I am sad for no reason sometimes and I can’t help but feel that I am wasting my life away doing nothing. It was really bad last year and I was convinced it was evil eye as in my last job I was getting a lot of compliments and I talked too much which I stopped doing and have noticeably felt I was getting better. The truth is that I need advice with life. Why am I praying so much for something but it is not granted? I will spend years praying for something and that dream will come shattering down on me without reason. I want to be happy and healthy again even if my studies don’t fulfill me or I am not surrounded my friends. I just want my health back ya Allah. Thank you for reading this far.
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