This is going to be a long post, so thank you to anyone who reads till the end.
Some background first:
I'm a male living in Pakistan with my parents. Although I have a separate room in the basement and they live upstairs, we still interact almost daily. My relationship with them has always been distant, even since childhood. Like many desi parents, they've been extremely overbearing and controlling.
Pretty much every aspect of my life growing up was dictated by their rules, wants, and expectations – what I ate, how I dressed, what I studied, everything. I only started standing up for myself after becoming an adult, and even then, it came with constant backlash, criticism, and emotional blackmail.
One clear example: my parents decided when I was in 7th grade that I should join the armed forces (which are basically royalty here). This had very little to do with what I wanted and everything to do with the benefits they would get – free housing, subsidised vacations, protocol, social status, bragging rights, etc.
I never wanted to join the armed forces, but as a child I was forced to apply to military boarding schools up until 9th grade. Their obsession went so far that they put me on an extreme, near-starvation diet because I was a slightly chubby kid, woke me up early every morning for runs, and enrolled me in a training academy for months after school hours.
I never got in – mainly because it was never something I wanted – but the entire experience completely destroyed my childhood and mental health. I was constantly criticised for being a failure, for being overweight, and for not fulfilling their dreams. To make it worse, they constantly compared me to my younger sister, saying things like, "She'll fulfil our wishes since he can't."
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Throughout my life, I've been emotionally traumatised for "failing" academically (like getting a C instead of an A* in O-Levels), for my weight (which led to an eating disorder and body dysmorphia), and for never being "good enough," no matter what I achieved. Every accomplishment was met with, "You could've done better."
Whenever I tried to talk to them about how this affected me, they'd shut me down with things like, "We're your parents, we know better," or "We take care of you financially." Because of that, I started working remote jobs in high school to slowly support myself. Even then, I was told what I was doing was "useless" and "not a real skill" (I was freelance writing).
Up until adulthood, I wasn't allowed to go out with friends without permission, start hobbies, or even study what I wanted. Once I became an adult, I grew more rebellious and started doing things unapologetically. My parents tried to regain control through guilt-tripping, but by then I had mentally checked out.
Fast forward to now:
I've graduated from college, am earning a very decent income (alhamdulillāh), and am mostly focusing on myself. My relationship with my parents never really recovered. I don't share my life with them because every conversation either turns into criticism, a lecture, or reopens old trauma.
Recently, I was offered another remote job that requires working night hours (5 P.M. - 2 A.M.). Given how my parents treat me, it's becoming unbearable to live in this house with the constant criticism, emotional manipulation, and being told I'm not the "good son" like other people's kids.
I still get yelled at for coming home after 9 P.M. (even when it's for work), humiliated in front of relatives for not being "obedient," and criticised over the smallest things – my pants being too loose, gaining a bit of weight, or even ordering food to the house.
On top of that, my parents' relationship with each other is extremely toxic. There's constant shouting and fighting over trivial things. I can't focus, can't attend meetings with my mic on, and can't even invite friends over because of how loud and chaotic it gets. Because of all this, I'm seriously considering moving out.
My parents refuse to listen to reason and are guilt-tripping me into staying because I'm the eldest and "it's my responsibility" to look after them, even though I have two younger sisters. For clarity, I've told them I would still financially support them to the best of my ability, stay in touch, and maintain ties – but it's still an immediate no from them.
I know that if I continue living here, I'll completely drain myself mentally. I'm already in therapy for the trauma I've carried since childhood. I also know that if I want to grow in my career and life, I need to move out – but my parents won't allow it without conflict, guilt, or constant criticism.
What I need advice on is the Islamic ruling regarding this. Would I be committing a sin by moving out for my mental health, career, and well-being against my parents' wishes – assuming I still fulfil my obligations by supporting them financially, maintaining ties, and treating them with respect?
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