Assalam-u-Alaikum Brothers and Sisters! I am a student studying in 11th grade. The purpose of writing this is that I have been having trouble in my consistency regarding salah for the past almost 5 years. I learned to pray when i was 7 and i prayed consistently till it began to slip away 3-4 years after. It started with stopping praying sunnah's and immediately jumping to my computer on the game i was playing or my phone. I liked to pray salah as soon as possible.
Then, this habit continued with every part of my life. It was not about entertainment any more. I would pray salah asap just so i could go back to the study/work or even rest i was doing. Salah always felt like a chore. And slowly as i grew up. I even skipped salah! Keep in mind that I do have knowledge of the consequences of missing salah! I have a decent knowledge of Islam in general and the importance of worship. But I could just not be consistent! It would always start with a burst of motivation and praying like a scholar for one month and feeling great! then one slip up and now im back to old habits. This has happened countless times throughout the past 5-6 years.
I just gave up any hope of truly praying salah. I tried to pray tahajjud and pray to allah to give me guidance and wanted to be his servant. I mentioned it in dua that i wanted to be his servant. But the shaytan in my mind always says that allah didnt accept your dua and he doesn't want you(these ideas cross my mind but I still believe that allah listens).My parents only have scolded me ever in my life due to not praying salah. They are the best parents who have always supported me and Im grateful to allah. I have tried again and again to truly return to allah permanently for my life. This situation has become so worse that its threatning my faith. Please guide me and help me.
It has become so severe that i feel immense repulsion from salah whenever someone tells me to pray. I even think sometimes that I've been possessed by a jinn or black magic has been done on me but that's highly unlikely. I just want to solve this!
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