I love my mother but she is hard to love

Assalamu alaikum,

I’m the eldest son of five siblings (three sisters and one brother). Our relationship with my mother is quite complicated, and I wanted to share this here to seek advice and perspective from an Islamic point of view.

My mother is very short-tempered and gets angry quickly, especially when she is stressed. During these moments, she often curses and makes very unpleasant du‘aas against me and my siblings. This has been emotionally heavy for all of us. At the same time, when she is calm, she is genuinely a sweet person who deeply cares about us. She worries a lot, and I believe much of her behavior comes from that worry, but unfortunately it often comes out in harmful ways.

My father is usually busy with work and travels frequently. Even when he is around, he doesn’t help much in resolving these issues, and my mother ends up being the dominant and most feared figure in the house.

Because of this environment, I feel like I matured early. I started asking for very little, helping around the house as much as I could, and trying to rely mostly on myself. I can’t say the same for my younger siblings, especially my sisters. My mother takes everything upon herself and refuses help, particularly in the kitchen. She doesn’t allow my sisters to help at all. I sometimes joke with her, saying that if she doesn’t teach them basic household skills, they’ll struggle later in life. She responds by saying that no daughter of hers should burden herself with such things and that they should focus only on education. While I agree education is extremely important, I still feel that learning basic life skills and sharing responsibility would help ease her burden.

I personally had to learn basic kitchen and household chores through YouTube just so I could try to help her, but even then, my help is often rejected.

Over time, the relationship between my mother and my sisters has become more strained. They argue frequently, often ending in shouting and harsh words. She has softened toward me more than toward them, which puts me in a very difficult emotional position.

What weighs on me the most is that I’ll be leaving home to study abroad soon. I feel immense guilt about leaving my mother with all these responsibilities, especially since my father is often absent due to work. It feels like I’m her only support inside the house, and I’m afraid of what will happen when I’m gone.

I’m trying to be a good son and fulfill my duties toward my parents, but I feel overwhelmed and confused. I would really appreciate advice grounded in Islam—how to navigate this situation, how to deal with a parent who is loving yet emotionally harmful at times, and how to leave home without feeling like I’m abandoning my responsibility.

Jazakum Allahu khairan.

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