I understand how important it is to respect your parents and obey your parents but I feel like I'm actually going insane. I am a young Muslim female, I have studied and this is currently my first year of working in the field I studied. I don't even know where to start. My mother always told me how she's trying to raise me to be independent but her words and her actions do not align. I'm not good with words so I'm just going to jump straight into it.
When I got my first car, I was told that I'd be allowed to go out with friends so long as its nearby and I'm back home before Asr. Understandable but when the times came, she said I couldn't go because it's too dangerous. This was around the beginning of my university years. During university, I was not allowed to do anything besides drive to uni and back home. I couldn't stop for any errands, couldn't buy something to eat, couldn't go out with friends if we had a break between lectures, couldn't fill my own gas, my dad would fill my gas over the weekends and it would suffice for the week. University ended, I graduated, I got a job and the car is fully paid and in my name alhamdulillah but the story continues.
As a working adult I am not allowed to go anywhere or do anything by myself besides drive to work and back home. When I get to work I have to text that I have parked and then text again that I am inside my place of work. If I somehow forgot to say that I'm inside, my mother would call me a billion times and then I'd be called irresponsible and so on because it's reckless and something could've happened to me. I have to check in during the day even if I have a full day of patients booked, I have to still check in from time to time so that she knows I'm okay.
I work near a pharmacy which is a 1 min walk away. The one day before I went to work, my mother asked me to get a throat spray when I get a chance. Later that day, I did go get it and then I just texted her that i got it and when I got home, she exploded on me saying "how many times have you went and done things by yourself? Does that mean you take the car and drive wherever you want to as well without telling me? Anything could happen to you and I wouldn't know because you didn't tell me? You think just because you're big you can do whatever you want to?" and I felt so defeated because I ran an errand without saying anything. If I go do anything, I need to text I'm taking a walk to the store next door and then text that I'm back at my place of work.
A while ago one of my friends have a lunch get together and I was invited. My mother said that I can't go myself, my father will drop me off and the excuse was that there might not be enough parking space if other people are invited and coming in their own cars. When this same friend was getting married, I was invited for several dinners and small events and for the same reason, I couldn't go myself because "it's too dangerous to go by yourself" or there might not be enough parking space.
My parents and I went for a flea market thingy and they ordered food from one stall, while i ordered food from another stall which was a little bit of a distance walk from where we were sitting. Their food came first but mine was taking long so after a while I said okay I'm going to check if my food is ready. My mother then said no, I can't go alone because it's too far and it's too crowded and someone might take my seat so she'll come with me.
I can't go out with my Co worker because it's too dangerous to go alone. We spoke about playing padel together and when we did arrange it, my parents had to take me with, wait for our game to finish and then take me home. This was a little late at night so it's more understandable but if it was during the day, I still wouldn't be allowed to go myself. My Co worker and I spoke of going for a zip line ride one early Sunday morning and my mother said they'll take me because I can't go myself as it's too dangerous. So they took me, I did the zip lining all while my parents went shopping at a nearby store and then they came back to fetch me when I was done.
There's more details that I'm not getting into because my head is so clouded and I'm so angry right now but that's the gist of my life, all while she also asks me about marriage so often and I constantly wonder "how am I not responsible for a quick errand such as filling gas or just wanting some alone time but I'm somehow ready to be responsible for marriage".
In conclusion, do I always need my parents permission for everything? Am I not allowed to do anything until i get married? Am I not allowed to move out on my own and actually live my own life and know what kind of person I am by myself before committing to a guy for the rest of my life? Do they always need to be around for everything? I don't even want to get married or hang out with anyone or do anything with any friends because I'm so tired of my mother trying to incorporate them into plans that might arise with me. If I say anything to her it becomes an argument or a fight. I can't remember things properly so I can't bring it up with her because then I'll fumble. All I want is freedom. I just want freedom. I just want to live without having to constantly check my phone or constantly ask for permission, I just want to live. I just want to breathe.
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