Salam everyone. I basically have a non existent relationship with my father and I don’t know what to do. For context, I’m married now and I have moved out of my family’s house for nearly a year now and since I first moved out, I’ve been doing a lot of reflection. Me and my father’s relationship hasn’t always been this bad. In fact, we were close when I was younger. That was until I hit puberty and started making mistakes and being able to think for myself. Whenever I get into a conflict with my father, my explanations never mattered. It’ll always end with him saying “from now on, I will hate you with all my heart and mark my words. When I say I hate you, I mean it.” He would always say that no matter how small an issue was especially when I try to defend myself. Like for example, one time my father didn’t tell me that I had a dentist appointment to get braces that day. He went in my bedroom and told me that we had ti go to the dentist. I wasn’t ready or even had a shower because I didn’t know we had plans. So he yelled at me and said that he’ll never get me braces and make me suffer the consequences…I have really bad over bite now haha. Also mind you I was 12 when that happened. Okay so fast forward to a few years later during covid, we soon found out that he had a secret family and then a few years after that, we found out that he took in a 3rd wife who is younger than my older sister who was at that time, 22. Now you can say that in Islam, a man is allowed to take in up to 4 wives. That’s fine but our situation at that time wasn’t appropriate for that. Other than the fact that he hid it from us, he is drowning in debt. We were so broke during covid that my mother had to go to her siblings’ house for food and not only that, I HAVE 4 other siblings that he needed to provide for and also my mom was deathly sick. So imagine our surprise when we learned that we have 3 other siblings from his second wife. Instead of taking care of our mother, he was impregnating some other woman. He couldn’t even afford to take my mother to the hospital and he’s making 3 more children to take care of??? Also his third wife also has a baby now so that makes us a total of 8 children that he can’t provide for because guess what HE’S STILL BROKE. So now, since he’s nearly 60 years old, his three wives are doing most of the work. My mom goes to her siblings and asks for money, the second wife basically stays at home and does the chores, and the 3rd wife works at a hotel and is basically the current provider. My father wasn’t always this poor. We used to have a lavish life in Saudi Arabia until he made the bad decision to go back to our country and start up his own company without any connections… My last interaction with him was a few months ago. I dropped by their house a bought them groceries and it ended up with him screaming at me because I tried to give him advice on how to pay my sister’s tuition. Not even a thank you. He is the type of man to never admit he is wrong and if even if you’re right, he’ll call you the shaytaan. This is just surface level of his doings. He treated me and my siblings so bad when we were younger that we are close to incompetent because of the mental, physical and emotional abuse he gave us. Only when I left my house is when I truly learned what it meant to be Muslim because he never really thought us that. He’d use his knowledge of the Quran against us when we get into arguments knowing that we never read it when we were younger but only because he never showed us or taught us how. Never really encouraged us either…. So Reddit. Should I rekindle our relationship? Is it even worth it?
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