Salam - I am having a tough time maintaining a positive relationship with either.
I express myself better in English, but both parents can only speak my mother tounge, and I feel this only exacerbates not being on the same page in the past, and a lack of communication in the present.
I am an adult now, though I had experienced physical violence in my teen years. Of course as a teenage I needed emotional support, but was shut down or dismissed and eventually I was able to supress it. From my point of view, it would be fair to say the home telephone got more attention than I did in those years. As a result, I do not remember the last time I felt a genuine closeness to either of my parents, as sad as this sounds.
For a long time after I had coped with these experiences with substances and other things that were not healthy.
More recently I am looking to better myself, thinking about marriage inshallah, praying the five prayers, feeling guilt when it comes to sinning. I realise during my prayers that I have these thoughts that go through my head about my childhood, unresolved feelings, that I cannot always get out of my head.
I know there is a big importance of our parents in Islam. I need to know how to fix this relationship and any guidance would be appreciative.
Jzk
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