i get terrible thoughts about islam. so bad i can’t even share. i have to rush through my namaz, avoid islamic videos. i have my wedding soon and i think what if it doesn’t happen because of these thoughts? i get thoughts like “i hope the wedding doesn’t happen” when i do want it to happen. i tell Allah no please don’t accept that thought, i want the it to happen. i tell Allah to please not punish me. i have a hard time believing something good can happen to me. my life is miserable. feels like the only reason i’m hating the bad thoughts is because i don’t want the worldly blessings to be taken away and not because i have genuine respect for my deen. i’m always anxious. there are atleast 10 thoughts per second in head. feels like i’m living on the edge. i want to turn my brain off.
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