My life is horrible and Allah doesn’t seem to be changing it. There’s people I know who do drugs, vape, talk to boys. Their life seems happy and Allah seems there for them. I try my best to pray 5x a day I try to avoid as much sin as possible. Sure I’m not a brilliant Muslim, I listen to music, I don’t pray as hard as I can etc. But I feel hopeless and suicidal and there’s nothing pulling me out of this hole I’ve fallen into. I think of killing myself every single day and the thoughts consume me alive. I hate my life because islamically I cant kill myself and if I make an attempt I’ll 99% most likely survive. It won’t even get to that point because I’m a coward and won’t make an attempt but it doesn’t take away from the fact genuine suicide is on my mind all the time and I can’t do anything. My life is horrible. My family isn’t there for me, I feel lonely with little close friends, I feel mentally messed up and feel as if no one cares for me (which is true I have literally no one). My grades are terrible too no matter how hard I make dua and how hard I try. I lost someone so close to me due to my mistakes and miss them gravely yet Allah won’t reunite us again no matter how hard I’ve cried for it and made dua for it. I feel unheard my connection with Allah seems low I pray and pray and yet I still want to die because my life won’t improve. What do I even do? I don’t even know where my future is going. I’m sitting my A levels in less than a few months and don’t even know if I’ll get good enough grades to go to university. I just want to move out and make friends and get good grades yet Allah can’t grant me something as simple as that my life is horrible and I’m losing hope day by day I can’t do this anymore

submitted by /u/Dark_647
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